strong back. soft front.

Back in 2010, I decided to participate in one of those early viral activities on Facebook: “How Others Describe Me.” Essentially, I asked a bunch of people throughout my life to describe me, and then I summarized them all into a note. I will, of course, quote the entire thing below for your amusement. However, the thing I really want to dig into is my father’s description of me.

He said, “You present a tough outer shell, but you have a soft underbelly.”

And he was, of course, absolutely correct. I tried my hardest to project this tough, unshakeable exterior. I told everyone in my family (and probably a lot of other people as well… come to think of it probably you, too) how much “I hate people.” That I am a badass, and you cannot fuck with me. Anyone who was close to me knew, though, what an old softy I was. I care. I genuinely care about all sorts of people. I want to be liked… I can’t even help it. And god damn if I don’t have the emotions of… well I don’t know what else to compare it to. I might be the gold standard of “emotional.”

As I’ve gotten older, however, I’ve shed a bit of that exoskeleton. I now lead with caring, with loving the humans around me. I’m not entirely sure when that happened, but… it really does seem to be true. However, I still have (and hopefully will always have) such a clear, opinionated view of what’s right, what’s just, and what’s fair.

I was just listening to Krista Tippett’s “On Being” interview with Brené Brown. as recommended to me by my friend and philosophical partner in crime, T. One of the things Brené Brown speaks about is her philosophy of “strong back, soft front, wild heart,” and it so resonated with me. I shed my carapace and traded it in for a strong back. I kept that soft underbelly that Dad always knew I had all along. And with those changes, I’m an even better leader. An even better human. And I want to carry this phrase with me forward through life.

indecision

2010: How Others Describe Me
I have very little patience for people, and can sometimes come off as crusty. Despite that, I am a social and self-confident, albeit shy, person, who enjoys getting to know people one on one and working in teams that know how to have fun. I am generally caring (soft underbelly), willing to help, and deeply dislike confrontation, although I sometimes provoke it. I am an articulate communicator with excellent writing skills and good presence. Most people consider me to be bright and capable, able to simplify complex problems. I am both creative and logical, although sometimes indecisive. I am extremely detail oriented, especially visually, to the point where many people consider me picky. I am seen as task-driven, methodical, and at times inflexible and stubborn (and opinionated). I can be very driven, a high achiever, if I am motivated by my work, but struggle with self-motivation. New processes especially tend to motivate me. I have a good sense of integrity and justice, especially when it comes to being truthful about myself and planning for my future, but can sometimes become emotional and take criticism personally.