some personal feelings that needed to be written

Well, I’ve decided I just really need to say some things that have been getting to me. And please do not let this impede our friendship in any way, I just feel like I need to say some things.

First of all, you said I took music day way too seriously. So maybe I did… it’s what I do. I enjoy music, I enjoy American composers. I know others don’t, and that’s fine. So how was my taking that so seriously different from so many taking recitation day seriously? One could argue that THEY took it too far as well, whereas I just sort of blew it off, as they blew off music day. I’m fine with the way I did things, I’m fine with the way they did things. I just think it very ironic that you said that, and that most of the class felt that.

The second thing is marching band. You said of course you made fun of it… well it hurts. In all seriousness, it’s something that’s really important to me. I don’t care if everyone else makes fun of it, I have too much pride in what I do to let that affect me. But it’s a little frustrating when one of your best friends can’t even seem to appreciate how much hard work goes into it. I would never make fun of speech and debate or any of those type of things… I know they’re important to you. (Ok so I might joke about them but only if you were too…) I know it seems really petty for me to say all this, but it’s been bugging me. So I figured I would.

It’s like I can’t win. I’m not saying I care what most people think, because I obviously don’t. (they’re all stupid and I hate people anyway) Sometimes it just feels like I do something to make myself happy, and then in some way it’s taken wrong, or the complete opposite of what it seems I should’ve done. I don’t really even have any specific examples at the moment, but a lot of times I think something will be taken in one way, but the reaction is the complete opposite. I always end up feeling ridiculous or stupid in front of my peers, and it’s a horrible feeling. (until of course I surround myself with my friends who know I’m a dork anyway and who are likewise dorky) It shouldn’t bug me, and the majority of the time it doesn’t. It’s on those few occasions. That once a month event, (or in this case twice a month, but I’m sure I missed one somewhere in there), that just makes me feel like an idiot.

At least there’s always Steve to look like more of an idiot, lol.

Just some things coming from a place I rarely go on OD… as I’m

~swept away away from the comfort zone~

@~>~>-dreamergrrl

***~***~***~***^~^~^~dreamergrrl~^~^~^***~***~***~***

P.S. We may have been poured on while marching, but shouldn’t that just give us more pride? Who else had the guts to be marching out there in the freezing cold while being drenched? And STILL do damned well? And STILL keep your head up and represent your school? Why do people view that as being some kind of a put-down? “Ha ha you had to be out in the rain”… yeah, and damn proud of it. I don’t understand how people think. I really really don’t. I’ll stop now… ()

@~>~>-dgrrl