rant… Jared… non-conformity…

Jared is ticking me off. He’s so damned negative and usually for no apparent reason. I’m in a good mood and he just brings everyone down with him. NOTHING can EVER be good or interesting or positive with him. EVER. I’m so sick of it. I keep hoping that maybe one of these days he’ll snap out of it and just fucking say, hey yeah that isn’t so bad… He has NO REASON to think the way he does half the time. Usually I’m fine with it, but right now I’m snapping and sick of it.

You know, this really isn’t the first time I’ve snapped at him, but usually the cause is something he’s said. Usually he’s trying to get me upset. (He’s very good at it, and happens to enjoy it immensely. All of my friends out there may think they’ve mastered it, but I guarantee you, that no one can get me going like Jared.) This time, however, he is getting to me. His actual self… his attitude… the way he is. I can handle the semi-suicidal talk, and I can handle talking about anti-matter and putting a huge chunk of potassium in a pond… as morbid as any of that is… I can handle him talking like that… and I can joke with him. But right now, I can’t handle the way everything is stupid to him. Culture is pointless, he doesn’t see a need to find any of it interesting. Because I watch the opening ceremonies my life is suddenly dull. Anything you talk about is terrible to him. Life sucks for Jared. Do you want to know why? DO YOU? Because he makes everything suck. If I allowed myself to be that negative life would suck to me too.

Lately this entire non-conformity thing is so agrivating. Take Nolan, for example. He’s all into this “I’m not a stereotypical guy” thing. Fine, I totally respect that. He’s not a jock… great… I definitely respect that, because I’m probably the furthest thing from a jock myself. And though I find it rather hard to understand that he had never been to a basketball game before I took him, I understand that he likes paintball and repelling and is not, therefore, into stereotypical sports. HOWEVER, he’s in love with his car and loves tools. STEREOTYPICAL? WHAT? KING FRICKEN PELLINORE? You really can’t get anymore male stereotypical than that. Therefore, when he refuses to wear the damned ID tag, (which you can’t even feel and would never get in trouble for it if you didn’t take it off in the middle of the day in the first place), and has no valid explanation for why except for he doesn’t want to, it’s stupid, and he’s a non-conformist… it just royally ticks me off. Was I the only person present for the sophomore English Emersonian non-conformity versus conformity speech? To be a non-conformist, or at least an Emersonian non-conformist, you have to not conform for a valid reason. Leave the little stuff alone. Focus your energies on the big issues in life. I’m going to laugh when the place where you work makes you wear an identification badge… I really am.

How does this relate to Jared? Well, trust me, it does. Jared is the biggest non-conformist I’ve ever been friends with. You know the entire Jared story, or at least most of it. He has virtually no reason for being so negative. Really, his life doesn’t suck as much as he would like. He treats his mother like crap, and perhaps that’s a reflection of parenting, environment, or just clinical depression, but it’s stupid. He treats everyone like crap, for that matter, because I’m pretty sure he’s convinced that everyone either hates him or is out to get him or is totally pointless as a human being. Usually I’m all about the “I hate people” attitude… I practically invented it. SOMETIMES, however, it gets overwhelming. This is one of those moments. One of those moments where I had just seen hours of peace and celebration of this country and many nations and people of the world coming together for a common purpose… It was a tribute to a hope for world peace, it was a hope in the goodness of people and the sportsmanship that should take place. Lord, I was so proud of my country as I sat there watching… watching the celebrations, the nations, the dancing, the athletes, and the men fighting in Afghanistan… cheering along for our country. I was soooo moved by tonight… in such a great mood of hope and patriotism. And then Jared has to suck me into his little world of depression. God, go get some help, because you need it.