part II of my story…

continued from the previous entry

Now common sense would say, DING DING DING, the guy that lives where you live, goes to your school, is in band with you, is your age, and is a totally completely sincere angel of a guy, would win, right? Wrong. The asshole punk who’s younger than you, totally different than you, and 2 1/2 hours away from you wins. And you realize, after you’re halfway home, having sat next to Brian, walking into McDonald’s for lunch, that you’ve made a terrible mistake, probably grossly hurting Brian, the good guy, in the process, but refusing to take of the black and white bracelet the punk gave you anyway. And you realize, when you’re at a water park with Brian and other friends, and he’s flirting with some other girl, that you totally could’ve had something at camp, but you screwed things up… for Ryan LeVan. The guy who spent his mission trip bragging to fellow campers how much his friends smoked weed. And don’t forget Ryan’s motto: “Girls always like your best friend instead of you.” Well, the damned irony was the fact that this time… yeah it was backwards than he was saying. He was the best friend… of Jared.

So meanwhile, I think Jared likes me, I know he’d kill Ryan if he knew I liked Ryan back, and I still sort of have an interest in Brian, meanwhile being crushed by Andy. Can we say SOAP OPERA?

Chai. We’d all get chai. I got them addicted, Jared and Ryan. It was uncanny sometimes. They were staying up in the cabins on the main street that the camp is run on. They’re just further up the street where the girls’ other dorm is, as well as the activity hall, and the lodge where we ate. Hilltop and Hilltop Annex are located on a street perpendicular to that street. It’s a much further walk for all of us. But anyway, sometimes I’d be walking, be it alone or with one of my friends, from Hilltop to go to the main camp area. And it was always weird, how Jared and Ryan seemed to be walking down from their cabins at the exact same time. We’d meet in that intersection, often all on our way to get chai. The last morning I got up early so I’d be walking by 8 and get my chai, and sure enough, there were my two punks. We got our chai… the addicts that we were. On a previous night that we’d all gotten chai, it had been raining. On the lake when it rains, it gets rather chilly, so instead of buying ice cream, the Lakeside specialty, we bought chais. We sat outside the gazebo, where the entire camp was supposed to meet for instruction, drinking our chai, warming our hands.

On the last day, we were at the same place. The choir that got together during free time sang on the steps and I was up there to turn pages for the accompanist… I guess some lady from Jared’s church had been talking to Jared and Ryan and knew I played, so she recruited me. Anyway, after the service I went back to where they were, along with Emily and all those people. Ryan and I were sitting pretty close. I just kept thinking how much I was going to miss him.

So anyway, during the final proceedings of camp, which consist of tapping the PC’s, Ryan handed out his presents that he bought for us. He gave one of his counselors a cross necklace or something, and I think he gave Emily some type of necklace too? Well he gave me a bracelet to go with my punk attire, although everyone around here is convinced it’s not punk at all… I think they’re right. (Earlier in the week he had helped me pick out a necklace.) I wore that the rest of the day. I also wore that most of the time I was in New York City… it’s been on the subway, I think. That was still in my transitional phase. The one where I was like… yes Brian is so much better… Ryan is far away… but gosh I don’t want to stop thinking through the week yet. *I’m such a moron*

And then somewhere along the way, I came to realize what Ryan really is, and I have no words to describe that. I was so occupied in agreeing that he was the sweetest guy in the world, and hoping he’d actually find a way to get here and be clad in a tuxedo on my doorstep and hand me a dozen red roses, that I failed to see him.