“opportunities” (we never call them weaknesses)

I apparently seem to lack confidence. I find this extremely interesting. Depending on which of my acquaintances you ask, you might find extraordinarily different answers. In fact I think it’s entirely scenario-based. If I’m in some sort of “forced mingling” situation I would frankly rather run away than strike up a conversation. If I’m presenting to a bunch of people (therefore having the floor) and I don’t necessarily have to interact with said audience then I am extremely confident. Beyond that it’s all a matter of numbers.

How many people total? How many do I know? How many do I know and like? How many do I know and dislike? How many do I not know?

At any rate, at work my current assignment leader (not actually my manager, but is rather a pseudo-manager for six months) thinks I have a confidence problem and has identified this as a major opportunity area for me. This, of course, coming from the most over-confident loud self-assured man on the face of the planet. (At least he openly admits our personality styles are completely different.) I become more confident the more I know you, the more I know how to read you, the more you know me. This is an area I worked on last summer and made some great strides. Then somewhere during the course of the school year I must have lost that confidence. (But it was present at bootcamp?)

Look I don’t want to be forced into mingling. I do NOT want to “work a floor” during networking sessions. I do not want to spend all my free time with people at work. I do not want to go out drinking with my team all the time.

That was a tangent… sorry.

I identified my opportunities as follows:

1. Asking questions. I don’t. Not because I’m afraid to… because I don’t know what to ask. I just don’t generate questions… doesn’t happen. (And it probably should, especially if I ever plan on being a manager.)

2. Taking risks. Again, I don’t. Not sure what it would even entail, really.

3. Making decisions. (Feel free to laugh here.) Where should we eat? (Uhh… umm… where do you want to eat?) Should we push this back a day? (That might be a good idea, although we might not need to.. I don’t know, what do you think?) Good god. At one point my assignment leader was talking about how people have to make decisions or they’ll slip through and fall behind. I just wanted to laugh and tell him my name. (I use this name for some games as well.)

Anyway, he translated these “opportunities” as confidence issues. Perhaps… perhaps.

– (Indecision)