nothing turned into something

I want to write, and yet I don’t really have anything to write. Does that ever happen to anyone else? I’m sitting here with my laptop, staring at my diary and just really wanting to write. Nothing. (So I write about having nothing to write about… because I’m lame.)

We had lunch with some of the sub-section CIOs today as well as the CIO of our business. This is a woman I don’t typically like… but here’s the thing. Something she said today actually really sounded like something that I have said. Yes. I saw myself in the CIO today, and it scared the shit out of me. The thing is, I not only do not want to be the CIO of a freaking huge company (or a CIO within my company regardless of size), but I specifically do not want to be like this particular person. Don’t get me wrong, this individual is extremely good at her job, gets it done, does it well… I just personally don’t want to emulate the approach.

I’m so getting fired when someone stumbles on this diary.

That being said, I get how someone a little like me might get to that point in her life. It was like… huh… I kind of get you right now. And yet I am just so not like her in some ways. For example, she knows her shit. You ask her a question, she knows what she’s talking about, she’s confident about her answer, and she likes to answer the tough ones. Now, I guess this implies that I don’t know what I’m talking about, don’t like tough questions, and have no confidence. Well, ok maybe the middle one is true, but I do know what I’m talking about with specific things (and am therefore confident) but I mean this woman can cover budget, finance, what’s going on in the overall industry, what’s going on in the IT industry, what all our business leaders are thinking, the major concerns going on in IT, etc etc etc.

I don’t do finance, and I do not have a knack for soaking up (much less finding) all of this information. Ugh.

So today was kind of a good work day. (How do you like that after last entry?) Heh. I’m an idiot.

Had dinner with Meg last night. Always a good time! We went to this awesome Thai restaurant (Meg we’re going there again. So there.) and sat there for like 2 hours just talking and catching up. A few text messages from Jason sprinkled in (thank God he finally knows that I know… although I still walked straight past his desk to the printer today… it’s like awkward that I know and he now knows that I know, even though I wanted him to know that I know, but it’s weird!).

Had an 8:30 with China this evening. Always a good time… actually the guy I was talking to was remarkably easy to understand, though I think he had a hard time understanding me. It’s really difficult to remember to slow down and not use “American-isms” sometimes. The latter usually get very lost in translation. I try to slow down, but when you’re working it’s so easy to forget if it’s your first language. See? I really should learn Mandarin so we can take turns having trouble.

I’m conflicted about the entire protest going on with the Olympics. I get the human rights side of it… but I also think that these are the Olympics which represent peace. It’s also difficult for me because I absolutely fell in love with China when I was there, and I think people sometimes forget that China is not just the politics but also the people and the culture. I should, perhaps, research this whole thing a bit more to really fully understand what’s going on in Tibet. I still think the protests have no business interfering with the Olympics, though. (Although maybe it’s the perfect venue… to say hey, the Olympics represent peace, and China is hosting… but there’s a disconnect here.)

Again, need to do more research so that I understand the actual situation.

So I guess I did have things to write? Again living up to my name.

(indecision)