mostly ~fluff~, but a little *substance*

*relief floods through veins*

Let me start off by writing what I wanted to write LAST night. Friday night, after Nolan and I kissed goodnight, I sort of hugged him again, and a “love you” kind of came out of my mouth. Now, this is a funny phenomenon, because I had no intentions of saying “I love you” to a boy I had just begun to date… let alone a simple “love you”. This is what I believe happened. It’s a conditioned reaction to hugging friends and family. In all seriousness, I say “love you” to my friends ALL THE TIME… (can I get some back up on this one guys?) and especially when I’m hugging one of them. Especially if it’s my family… that’s just how I am. Because it’s the truth… I DO love all my friends. Which is why really saying that to Nolan makes perfect sense too, considering he is a friend and all.

However, I didn’t mean to say it at all. I walked away from him thinking, “Dear LORD, what did I just say?” He might interpret it as an “I love you” which is quite different from a “love you”. Somehow the I just makes it all the more… POWERFUL. And I don’t think I’d blame him if he was all weirded out by it… not one bit. It shouldn’t have been said (and I didn’t mean to say it), yet it was completely justified in the manner I said it.

Meanwhile, I hadn’t heard from him SINCE then. Needless to say we had one flipping out dreamergrrl… I was practically SHOOTING myself for having said that. Worrying about what he thought blah blah blah. You can imagine my utter relief when the phone rang tonight… and my mom handed it to me… and it was Nolan… The best part about that phone call, was the fact that he just wanted to talk. Didn’t want to do something… didn’t have a question… just wanted to talk to me. *sigh*

And we talked for quite awhile… at least 45 minutes. Which, I think, for our first just to talk phone call, was pretty darned good! There were no awkward pauses or anything… lovely. And where the conversation eventually ended was so… great. We were talking about writing… and thinking about/observing things around us. He inspired me to write… I love it… I don’t do it enough. (some of you are staring at disbelief… I know… 500 entries…) I mean a different kind of writing. CREATIVE just let all your nerves and senses flow onto the paper writing. He and I were in Power of the Pen together in 8th grade. During that one creative writing day in English this year, he and I were the only ones to write individually… and go out in the hall to do so. AHHH lovely conversations.

Did I mention the boy can cook? Yeah he’s cooking dinner for his family tomorrow. Apparently he makes a DARNED good spaghetti sauce from scratch… even his full-blooded grandmother loves it. Not that I think he’s making that tomorrow… but whatever. AND I think he might drag me over to his house tomorrow to help him cook. :)… What? Cooking dinner with him for his family? Is this a step up in the relationship or is it just me?

On and entirely different note… Aims when you’re ready to talk, please… let’s talk.

I went to church this morning. It was good… this is my 3rd time since camp, and my 2nd week in a row. This is good… this is positive… this is what I need to be doing. Emily and Sloan came and sat by my mom and me, so that was cool. Ahh, my church friends. I love them so much, I can barely believe that I didn’t see a lot of them for that long. I was proud of myself too… I was able to focus throughout most of the service. Now, don’t get me wrong… I don’t normally zone out too much (unless they get all tangled in their sermons and are detached from themselves), but my thoughts kept going back to the past week… not good. But overall a nice morning.

After church Mom and I went to Bruegger’s for lunch… yummy! Then we went shopping, which I detest. I hate jeans. JEANS SHOULD DIE. No, they’re good. The PEOPLE THAT MAKE OR DESIGN JEANS SHOULD DIE. The people that wear a size 0 should too while we’re at this mass killing thing.

With that, I’ll burn some jeans and be

~swept away writing~

@~>~>-dreamergrrl

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