:) mood :( swings :D … :

And no, it’s not because of that. That was two weeks ok. I have entries to back it up. It’s just me… it’s just band… it’s just life.

Band. It’s all-consuming. It eats away at our brains… we become slaves to the band. We all get together… to talk about what? Band. We all get online… we talk about what? Band. We get up for band, we shower after band, we make friends in band, we hang out with people in band. Band band band band band band band band band band band band band band. STOP!!!!!!

I went over to Nate’s house today. It was me, Connie, Nate, John, and Ryan. We didn’t really do anything, just played with his kitten a little, hung out… listened to music, talked. Fun, though. Really was. I love those juniors. But it just made me more confused than EVER… I like Nate? What? Connie and I had two long chats about various things. I just don’t know, I just don’t know. I’m thinking I can’t see Nolan and I having a relationship. This was my thought as I went to sophomore orientation as a guide tonight. But as the guides went out for pizza afterwards, I was totally wishing Nolan would call and we could go do something.

So basically…

I’m a psychopathic mental case. I go through this… oh my goodness Nolan and I need to hook up stage… then to this… oh my goodness I like Nate better and I hate Nolan’s friends stage… then to this… my goodness I miss being a leader of the school way too busy for ANY guy just hanging out with nerds stage… then this… wow need a date stage… and a… but our sense of humors match much better here stage…

Mood swings. Like I said.

Or I’ll start ranting on some foreign subject. Like how horrible the sophomore class is. Even though I love some of my scrophs. Or how the student bodies of the school never actually do anything. Or how band consumes my life and my diary and my thoughts and my everything. The sluts we call flags. The sluts we call flutes. (but are we SEEING how it’s still BAND) I’m sick of MYSELF. I can’t imagine the people around me… I really feel sorry for you guys. In some ways maybe school will fix things. I’ll be able to rant about teachers and subjects and homework and projects. I’ll get some brain stimulation going on. Who knows, perhaps good conversation will be possible, or just some way of forcing myself to do something. Other than sitting here online. (oh, but wait… school never seemed to stop me last year…)

Like I said awhile back, I should just up and leave this place. But then I’d have no where to rant. I’d become some bitter cynical pessimistic person that everyone’s sick of listening to complain. Oh, wait, I already AM that person… I should just up and leave. I’m not going to. Don’t even worry about it. Not that you would be. Just another diary for you not to have to skim through to the non-complaining, non-whining one sentence of pure entertainment per entry. I always feel bad when I start reading an entry and say, “Lord, don’t make me read this entire thing… I’m so bored by this…” I mean, hi… it’s the person’s LIFE… bah. I read my OWN entries and get bored half the time.

ARE WE SEEING HOW THAT WAS ONE OF THOSE AFOREMENTIONED RANTS?

Indecisive. That’s how I’ve always been. I guess I never grew out of it. For example: NOLAN. Ahh. Just throw your soul out there for once dreamergrrl. So it flops… big whoop. If the entire world can have access to my most private thoughts, why not give a relationship with someone totally wrong for you a whirl? What is that a quote from… give it a whirl… Home Alone. Of all the freaking movies to quote… and it WOULD have to be one that… well… IT-ish. Mental case in aisle 8. (notice it had to be 8… favorite number and all… 88 keys on a piano? what?)

With that I’ll just hide myself in a closet and be

~swept away in my own little rant-world~

@~>~>-dreamergrrl

***~***~***~***^~^~^~dreamergrrl~^~^~^***~***~***~***