maybe it’s me who’s boring

I’m so jealous of you all. I really am. Everyone who takes amazing photographs, who writes amazing things, who enjoys dancing and actually takes classes and GOES dancing. The people who go out and campaign for things they believe in, the people who travel to interesting places without thinking twice.

And I just sit here on the couch. And although I may try to say so, it’s not just because I’m sick. What else do I do when I’m not sick?? Nothing. It’s truly a shame, too, because I actually enjoy getting out and doing things – I just never do. I’ve got no one to go with (Chris doesn’t really enjoy getting out very often. He’s more likely to be found sitting at his computer. Ok not that I don’t have my laptop attached to me at all times, but it’s a little different.), so I just don’t go.

Take Shanghai for example. When I was in Shanghai, I went out and saw Shanghai – I toured and walked around and took pictures and was hot and sweaty and completely exhausted. It was great! I stayed up late and still managed to be at work on time. As soon as I get home everything changes and I can’t seem to do anything. Why don’t we ever go to the jazz club or see a musical or go hear the speakers when they go to Oxford? And if I’m not doing any of that, why not work? Why can I not force myself to log on when I’m home and actually accomplish something? I always say life comes before work, and I stick to my guns on not spending a ridiculous amount of time on work. But what life? The truth is, I don’t really have a life anymore. I’ve gotten stuck in a television rut – which is something I never thought I would say.

I do try to read once in awhile. Actually was getting a ton of reading done, and then I hit a couple of books that just didn’t draw me in. And that’s the kiss of death. You’ve started two books, neither was whetting your appetite… but you feel too guilty to start a third until you’ve gotten through one of the others… and so you bam you just don’t read until 5 months later you say, “ok Chris, hand me that fantasy mumbo-jumbo and I’ll give it a whirl.” (Turns out it’s not so bad, but I would be completely confused had I not been involved with an RPG senior year of college. Thank god for Exalted.)

The point is, I should go take a class to learn Chinese. I should take a photography class, or at least a photography appreciation class since I will never be as good as I’d like. I want to take dancing lessons! (Chris will NEVER go for it) I want to have interests – so that when people ask me what I do in my free time I don’t have to say “oh, video games, television, hanging out with friends” dancing around the fact that I’m just a boring person.

I wasn’t always like this… I don’t think. Was I?

(indecision)