lost in translation

Ni hao! It’s Monday night here in Shanghai – I just got off the phone with Chris (who’s at work). I haven’t had a nice, long, satisfying conversation with him since last week when I ran down my phone card instantly over the span of two nights. I try not to use my company phone card too much either – usually stick to less than 10 minutes. (Although tonight I went 15 – sometimes you just need to talk to your fiancé, you know?)

So now I’m sitting on my bed, laptop on lap, HBO on the TV (one of the few decent English broadcast channels here in censorshipland – although it’s not the typical HBO you’d find in the states) feeling a little like Lost in Translation. Truth is, though, I really like China… apart from the communism, censorship, street vendors, general odor, and lack of safe drinking water. Shanghai is an awesomely modern (and enormous) city. The Pudong side has crazy modern buildings and the Puxi (never actually spelled this, let’s hope that’s right… should be pronounced “Poo-shee” regardless of spelling) has both a British side and a French (architecturally speaking) from the early 1900’s. I’ve been to the Jade Buddha Temple, Yu Gardens (amazing place), a couple markets, a couple museums (when I figure out their real names I’ll be sure to specify), and a couple bars.

The nightlife in Shanghai is unreal. It’s extremely western, but like nothing you could ever possibly find in the U.S. We went to a club last weekend called Bon Bon… really sweet club – it has a couple levels of private rooms overlooking a main dance area and stage. It’s an open bar club, which essentially means when you pay cover you also pay for an open bar. Seems like a good idea, unless you’re a beer snob. They have all the liquor you’d normally find in a bar, but for beer they just have “beer.” Translation: you ask for a beer, they hand you a beer – everyone gets the same kind until they run out of that kind, and then they switch to a new one. Also keep in mind that drinks (in general) are not cold in China, so this means you’re drinking a warm random type of beer. Also since the drinking water isn’t safe, any mixed drinks generally can’t have any ice in them. Again warm alcohol. Ok but here’s the kicker about the night at Bon Bon… we drank, we danced a ton… and then at about 1:30am Coolio finally arrived. Yes, yes I did in fact see Coolio live in a club in Shanghai in 2007. I fucking love China.

Just for the record Coolio sucked a ton… his new songs are horrible, and the saxophone player he had with him could not have been worse. But I fucking saw Coolio in Shanghai!

Ok so once you’ve done all that and seen Coolio, there’s not a whole lot of new shit to do in Shanghai. It’s pretty much just a go out, drink, eat, and get a massage type of place. Speaking of which you should really avoid cheap massage parlors. I got a 78 RMB massage (which roughly translates to a little more than $10 USD…) and ended up more sore than I started. This guy beat the shit out of me… I swear it felt like I had a huge bruise on my lower back the next day. Ahh well, lesson learned.

Beijing is very different from Shanghai. Beijing doesn’t have as many flashing lights, neon colors, clubs, etc. Beijing (at least in my one-weekend experience) is a bit slower paced, has more to do (especially from a tourism perspective) and is just a generally interesting place. In one day I climbed the Great Wall, tobogganed down the Great Wall, took a ride in a rickshaw, sat in a woman’s house and learned about how she lives, ate the most amazing Peking duck you can possibly imagine from a restaurant near our hotel, and wound up drinking at some very “chill” bars on the canal in old Beijing. Best day I can remember in a long time. I mean by the end of this day when I was at the bar I couldn’t even make myself be bitter sarcastic or pissy. And this is me we’re talking about! (have no fear it popped right back up the next morning) But what an amazing day.

The next day we also went through the Forbidden City and the Temple of Heaven. Very interesting.

Couple notes about China:

1. There is no personal space. Forget about it, because you’re not going to find it here. Be prepared to be surrounded by people at all times and get used to the fact that they don’t mind having their body touch your body.

2. People don’t really pay attention to lines in China. Many try to “cut” or if you manage to keep them in their place they will still be right up your ass behind you. I’ve discovered standing with my elbows akimbo helps, and when needed I don’t mind shoving people aside to get through human walls.

3. Street vendors. They’re everywhere. They know some English. They will attack you. If you say “bo yao” they will probably bother your more than if you were to just completely ignore them and keep walking. Also eye contact is a killer. Sometimes the vendors will grab your arm lightly and/or yell at you. Yesterday I tried a new tactic with my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh under my) as it was raining and fending the vendors off with it. The second person to fall victim to my umbrella actually lifted it up in order to force me to look at his fake Rolexes. Seriously these people do not give up.

4. If you like to be left alone while you shop, China is not the place for you. Period.

5. Markets are insane. Try starting with a quarter of what they’re asking for and work your way up. Know the limit of what you’d like to spend (in USD and RMB) and don’t, whatever you do, spend more than 50% of the original asking price. You will also here things like “best friend price” floating around a lot. It’s a good starting point but it’s not the end-all be-all. And keep smiling.

6. Food. Avoid the jellyfish. I know it sounds exotic, interesting… like something you should try in China. But please, I beg of you, save yourself the time and effort. Take my word this is one thing you do not need to try. Especially if you’re someone whose eating experience relies heavily on texture. Generally I thought Beijing food was better than Shanghai cuisine but it may be a reflection of where we ate and my own personal food preferences. I found much more seafood in Shanghai than Beijing as well.

7. These people are INSANE when it comes to driving. Don’t pay attention to lanes, and you might as well not even have a turn signal. Pay close attention to beeping, and be aware that large busses may be about to ram into you at any second. Also keep an eye out for oncoming traffic that will frequently float into your lane.

8. Bikes. Fucking everywhere. Everyone has a bicycle or a motorbike or a motorcycle or some sort of bike contraption that they ride around on. They will be intermixed with the aforementioned INSANE drivers, exponentially increasing chaos on the road.

9. Do not get in the way of a vehicle or bike. They will not stop for you even if you’re in a cross-walk and have what in America would be considered right-of-way. Keep that in mind.

10. Flights from Beijing to Shanghai and back are huge. We’re talking 7-8 people per row big. We flew in an Airbus A330 from Shanghai to Beijing, and then a Boeing 767 on the way back. However there is more leg room on these domestic flights than the international flights over. Now THOSE suck ass.

Alright, I’m tired and have to get up early. Peace for now.

(indecision)