like nothin utha

“Gone, mutha.” Yeah, out of my head.

Ignoring what I know must be done… ignoring the inevitable so that I can take one more ounce of my precious breathing time to dwell on things over which I have no control… stop it.

Aaron called tonight… it was so nice to get to really talk to him on the phone again. It’s been a few months, you know? We didn’t really lose things to talk about… it just kind of kept going until I had to end it to study… or at least act like I was studying. Really I could’ve just kept talking to him… I was perfectly content doing that.

Alex when’s the last time I thanked you for being one of the most awesome people alive? I feel a lot closer to you than a lot of people right now… I literally feel like you’re my brother… I would say “except closer,” but the fact is, we fight enough to make up for that anyway.

Sleep deprivation is a funny thing. Right now I should be doing one of two things: studying, or sleeping. I am doing which? Neither… quite obviously. I don’t want to do anything right now… but the last thing I want to do is sleep. As tired as I am, I don’t want to even think about it… I really don’t want to sleep at all. School just gets in the way sometimes… this exam is in my way… botany is in my way. I want to go to psych tomorrow, and nothing else. Instead I’m supposed to memorize the great chain of being and the 9 orders of angels. Beautiful. So not an english major anymore.

This is funny… Alex just asked me to read his music paper when he’s finished. Remember how I thought I might be an editor? It’s a nice thought… I could edit high school papers and essays… that’s about it. English major… heh… who knows… maybe it will still happen. Doubt it.

This morning during botany I wondered if the only reason I’ve always hated science was because it’s always been my first class, with the exception of ninth grade and last semester. 7th grade – 1st period life science, 8th grade – 1st period physical science, 9th grade – 4th period science (whatever), 10th grade – 1-2 biology, 11th grade – 1-2-3 chemistry, 12th grade 1-2-3 physics, and now 9 o’clock botany. Hypothesis.

Today for the first time ever I understood why range is range and domain is domain – after going through calc II… and I figured it out during psychology when we were learning the basics of statistics. Go figure.

If I had a better work ethic, I think I’d like a lot more things than I do now. I think I’d know a lot more too… and I think maybe I’d be a math major after all… but I don’t think I’d be happy doing that.

We studied for Brit Lit in british accents. Our prof is british. It seemed like the right type of thing to do… I dunno…