June 13, 2002

Its a little odd to have such a luxury at my disposal at 10pm especially in the privacy of my own room. Im not quite sure what Im going to do about writing during the summer, because in all reality, this just complicates everything. Im so glad, however, that I have this ability to type in bed. I can say whatever I need to say, whenever I want to say it, without fearing that someone will walk downstairs and pass by, perhaps catching a glimpse of the words. Ahh yes, privacy freedom.

This is the situation currently: I still have a written diary, but it is slowing becoming almost obsolete. The beauty of it, however, is that I can take it with me no matter where I go even camping. It will therefore always serve as my diary. My online diary is still very important to me, but at this point its going to be rather difficult to access. Of course, the modem and DSL are both not allowing frequent access to the internet, but that is but the tip of the iceberg. Im going to be gone so much this summer, that it is quite likely that my postings will diminish. If I dont have access to a computer, I cannot post what I write, no iffs ands or butts. (a little Rushdie?) Furthermore, even when I am home, Im pretty sure Ill be more inclined to write on this laptop rather than on the desktop downstairs. In order to post any entries I write in this manner, I would have to save them to disk and transport them downstairs to the desktop. Another problem is that I frequently write while online talking (or not talking, depending on the situation) to people. Its my way of both socializing but staying in contact with my own mind. When I go off to college, this wont really be a problem, because my laptop will be connected to the internet. College will combine the beauty of having this freedom and privacy with the capability of internet access.

At any rate, I really shouldnt be up writing right now. I have to wake up early and head off to Cedar Point. Man, what a drag. Usually I cant wait, but I think Im amusement parked out. It seems that every time I either go or am supposed to go there this year, its cold. High of 66 tomorrow, which isnt bad, but its not great, you know? Plus Im just absolutely dead tired, exhausted, pooped. I think I may just sit at the pavilion all day not too sure, but you would think that that would in fact encourage me to shut down this computer and go to bed. Sleep greatly greatly needed. Then again, so is writing. I have to get it in while I can.

So some interesting news on the Carrie front. Did you have any idea that Mrs. Tropman went through almost the exact same thing when she was studying at conservatories? Psychological battering by teachers, and totally losing her love for her instrument. She went so far as to quit playing for a year altogether I had no idea. Apparently a lot of her classmates quit as well, and were not talking about any old schmuck. These people were musicians CIM and Oberlin musicians… and they lost their love, their drive, and their confidence to play just as Carrie is slowing doing. What makes Carrie different, however, is the fact that her story isnt over yet. Shes not done with college, and she realizes how this is wrecking her. Shes trying to recover, shes trying to be strong. I hope and pray that she finds her love again, and finds her musicality. I hope everything we talked about helped her I hope writing helps her. Carrie is too talented and special to me to have this happen to her. I will support her however possible I remember the Carrie that was absolutely in love with the violin, with music.

to be continued