I remember how this works…

This OD addiction (haha… ha… ok). I remember sitting online all day and all night constantly writing new entries for no apparent reason. And then I stopped altogether, I was told my diary was almost deleted, and now I’m back, quite randomly, and quite addicted all over again. I remember my ego being boosted when I got new notes – I guess in some ways that’s really pathetic, isn’t it?

So I’m in the middle of this entire “I need a new name for my diary” phase which accompanied the “I need to change the color scheme of my diary” phase which was followed by the “I need to delete everything on the front page of my diary” phase. I was so sick of looking at the “grrl” in dreamergrrl that I just changed it to traeumerin, which obviously works on multiple levels. (means female dreamer in german, but it could also be loosely and incorrectly read as dream erin…) This is a temporary fix until I can figure out what to use. I was going to name myself Indecision (wow I decided on something) only to find out some guy already has it. Most upsetting.

I was thinking through all of my nicknames… Lizzy, Biz, techno-babe… and these are all nicknames which were family-induced, mostly by my father, but they all seem really stupid as a diary name. Plus the only other “Lizzy” I’ve ever met (and it was her real name as opposed to my nickname) I really didn’t like… not to mention there’s that stupid show on the Disney channel… not thinkin I want to go that direction. Maybe inkling? But I feel like people could actually find me that way if they really wanted to… (and do I really care?) (yes)

I don’t want to go with my screenname either, for the above concern about people finding me, but also because my screenname doesn’t even fit me. (and I’ve been trying to change it for years with no success) If I do something musical I’ll feel like my family, if I go something computer-esque I’ll feel like I’m playing to a major I’m not even very good at, and if I do something generic it’ll seem contrived. AHH! Man I really wish I had an identifying feature or hobby or something. Oi.

By the way, news on the piano recital choice: Carrie votes Faure. She likes the Beethoven a lot too, but she agrees that it’s long (7 pages). Apparently she’s not a fan of the Debussy. I like the Debussy a lot, but I guess the last recital I was in (2 years ago) I played Debussy. Moving on then? Perhaps. The Faure is beautiful, I’ll admit that.

I think Mom and I are going to take my bike to the bike shop this afternoon. Although I’ll admit I’m afraid that when they fix it I’ll still feel really out of shape. At least I’ll have to face up to it then and can work on that. Meanwhile I have no desire to ride a bike around when the brakes are permanently on. (Plus it’s raining.)

A note to all my favorites out there: Am I the only one writing all of a sudden? Worlds are reversing!

Ok, I’m going to go now? I’ll probably be back later… seems to be a trend this summer.

@~>~>-eek