eyeroll

This week I’ve been feeling super empowered and really just in touch with my own needs and desires. Honestly, it’s been really nice. I wasn’t sure I’d feel that way for awhile, and it was nice to finally feel like I had agency.

So I’ve been starting the whole online dating thing. And I’ve got a whole lot of thoughts and feelings about that, but we’ll set them aside for now. There are two people I’ve started chatting with, one whom I just have really hit it off with online, and one whom was fun to chat with, but also whom I knew there was nothing really real there. The person I really hit it off with—we’ll call him Mr. Star—I have a date with later today – and I’m excited to meet him. The other one—we’ll call him Mr. Tall—texted me last night and we decided to have an impromptu super casual date. Mr. Tall was going to come over, we were going to order food, vape some weed, and watch SciFi. I was into it. And hey if one thing led to another, I actually felt empowered by that option. Looks it’s been a minute.

Ok, so he was going to run an errand he thought would be done by 7:30. Cool. A little after I texted him, and he said he was in a long line. We kept checking in, finally he was almost at the front. Then he had to drop the stuff off somewhere. And so on and so forth. It didn’t dawn on me until 10 (yes, I know, I know) that this was not going to happen. Either he 1) never had any intention of actually coming over  2) had good intentions but refused to be honest about what was going on or communicate like an adult  3) regardless of intentions, refused to just be the one to cancel our plans … or 4) something more nefarious. But honestly I don’t really give a shit which one it was. It was bullshit that he made me wait, it was bullshit that he didn’t proactively communicate, and it was bullshit that I was the one that had to cancel. Haven’t we established I deserve better?

Obviously now my opinion on dating is jaded… after a total of -1 date in. Uggghh. In a few hours, I go meet Mr. Star. And I’m genuinely excited to meet him – we’ve been talking practically non-stop since Monday or Tuesday. I’m also a little nervous that what we have online won’t transfer to IRL, which I think is a valid concern. But to be honest, no matter what I think we’ll probably be friends.

So. That’s that. That’s where I’m at. Wish me luck, kids.