Everyone Hates Me

Jess is finally online, and I think she hates me. I feel like such total shit. She’s so hurt, and doesn’t understand why I implied that she was self-centered. I totally didn’t mean it that way! But that’s no excuse, I know.

God, now she wants a reason that I even said it, and to be honest, I know I had a reason then, but I can’t think of a single fricking reason now! And that just makes me an even bigger bitch.

I guess Eric is mad now too because I saved the convo and showed part of it to Jaimie. He never said I couldn’t save it, but he did tell me not to tell Jess. Ahhhh. I can’t do anything right. She’s one of my best friends! I thought I had a reason for thinking she doesn’t always think of others, but the truth is, there’s no reason. She’s one of the sweetest people I know! GRRR! I hate myself. That’s 3 people now that hate me: Jess, Eric, and me.

Perhaps it’s a good thing I’m leaving town. It could make everyone simmer down a little or whatever. I can’t stand this. At all.

You know what I really don’t understand though? Jaimie agrees with Jess or whatever that I was calling her self-centered, right? Well how many times has Jaimie done exactly what I did? Talk about Jess and Eric? How is all of that not as bad as what I said? I’m not saying what I did was right at all! I know it wasn’t! But I don’t see the difference in what I did and what Jaimie’s done numerous times!

Ahhh. I should just shoot myself. Too bad I don’t believe in doing that. Nor do I have a gun… plus I’m a Christian, and that would just be selfish of me… so don’t leave all those notes saying life is worth living. That’s my job to leave notes saying that. Hehe… I’m just saying that I should just go fly out of state somewhere and stay there for 4 days. (Hey – I already am!)

@~>~>-dreamergrrl