dreamergrrl changes her mind

After being together for exactly (almost to the hour) one month, Alex and I broke up. It’s kind of strange, because everyone is shocked, and it seems like there should be a lot of details, but there aren’t. I got back from Florida yesterday, he called, and that’s kind of how it all started. I won’t go through the entire conversation, but it was a mutual break-up. We decided that we totally rushed into things… were moving entirely too fast. In fact, our relationship never changed… we still felt and acted like best friends. All except for the minor detail of making out and all that fun stuff… which made it seem like friends with benefits. That, my friends, is not good. We pretty much decided that our friendship was too good to screw over. It just seemed like everything else was just cheapening a great friendship, and that was more important than anything. We’re not neccessarily interested in anyone else, but we just don’t want to be together. And you know what? I was so happy after we broke up…

I will admit things were a little strange today. It’s going to take a few days to get back to being normal best friends… even if it never really changed from that. Strange. Oh, yeah… and this means we’re probably not going to prom together, although I’m not positive yet. I’m kind of wanting to go with seniors anyway, so maybe going with a senior guy would, you know, guarantee that.

Like I said, I’m not upset that we broke up. I’m upset that I thought I knew what I wanted for so long… and I finally got it… and it didn’t end up being what I wanted it to be. I think Alex and I both feel like that. In Nashville things felt so right… he definitely still had a girlfriend, but we seemed like a couple, and the chemistry was awesome. The week after that was wonderful too. We were couple-ish and glowing and everything… then we started going out. I must admit Chicago just wasn’t that great. I feel like all the fireworks just fizzled after that, which seems bad. So, I’m kind of bummed right now because I just don’t know what I want. I feel like I’m miserable at relationships… almost a fear of commitment or something. I always end up wanting to be single again. *sigh*

My life is a soap opera. I wish it wouldn’t be.