aggravation

From the kitchen “Erin – by the way – guess who I saw at the grocery store.” From the living room sitting at the piano Who? “That guy that’s always hanging around your youth group.” Oh, Rob? Was he stacking? She didn’t hear me. “He was working.” -nods- That’s what I just said. “He tried to ignore me but I forced him to say hi.” What? “He saw me coming and tried to ignore me.” He wouldn’t do that. Mom he probably doesn’t know who you are. After all, when we do go to church, you don’t exactly stick around for the socializing part. It’s not like he can remember every parent, especially when you’re not exactly around the youth that much. -Mom makes scoffing noises- Mom, he’s a nice guy – he wouldn’t do that. “Well that’s good.” Grr.

That just really made me mad. She automatically assumes that everyone remembers her and purposefully ignores her. I swear sometimes she’s out to make everyone involved with youth group to look bad. Rob is an awesome guy, and he’s a truly nice guy – he would not try to avoid my mother if he knew it was my mother. All of the adults that work with us are great and I really wish she would just stop being so darned skeptical. She’s convinced that all of them are either immature or irresponsible. Whatever, Mom, whatever.

Anyway, today’s the big day. It’s recital time… I can’t believe it’s here. Wow this summer raced by. I’m nervous… I am… I can’t help it. I’m hoping my nerves will cool down by tonight. When I play nervous, I feel like my fingers are hollow… it’s almost an out-of-body experience. My fingers are hollow and cold, and they just feel weak… I feel weak… and then they race. The fingers fly, the tempo races out of control, crash burn die. Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.

Michelle logged on last night. I imed her, and we started chatting. She gave me her cell phone number to call next week, but I thought why wait? I logged off and called her instead. We talked for about an hour, before hanging up and coming back online to talk. She’s awesome – I love that I can be so close with someone from camp that I see once a year. I just wish I had figured out how cool she was my first year at camp – she was in the bunk next to me and everything, but it wasn’t until last year that we began to bond. Anyway, we talked about a lot, we laughed about a lot, she was hanging out of her window halfway to talk on her phone, there were skunks chasing her, and then we talked about Minda issues. -laughs- Ahh, it’s wonderful. Michelle is one of the 5, if I have 5.

I’m using Sloan’s word for something – shady. I’m not going to explain the situation, it’s just shady, that’s all.

I had forgotten how awesome Liz was. The thing is, we had band together all through junior high, and then I didn’t see her at all sophomore year. We weren’t necessarily good friends at that point, but we knew each other and were both clarinets until high school. Then junior year, she appeared in my pre-calc class. She sat in the front of the room with Steve-George, and again I never really talked to her. Senior year, however, she showed up again in my physics class. She and Dani started a physics study group, and eventually I became a part of that. -laughs- We had some good and stress-filled times studying for physics. Sometimes crazy, usually very difficult, rarely easy, always involving food of some sort. It was the first time I got to know Liz a little… and that all ended when school ended. Somewhere during the summer craziness and everything, we just stopped talking, and I started to feel like we were strangers again.

Then Sloan happened. I mean, Sloan has been happening all summer – we just kept getting closer. Sloan and Liz are pretty tight, and somewhere at the end of my Sloan-day, we ended up at Liz’s house. Liz was definitely crazy that night – dancing, singing – it was so great. The next day was Meg’s party, and once again I got to hang out with Sloan and Liz. All of a sudden we’re talking online again, and I’ve just been totally impacted by some of the things she’s said and written. I love how human my friends are… I love that they accept me for being human… I love that these people have reminded me that I can’t include everyone into what I’ve been annoyed by. I apologize for my ambiguity, but I think some people understand.