a hodgepodge of updates

I never write anymore. I never have time. Or is it the energy? Or perhaps I just have come to the point in my life where I deem things too private to be written here. It’s not really a conscious effort to stop writing… it has just happened.

I’m changing again. I feel like I’m always changing… always revising my character and my outlook on life. Every 3 months I look back on my life only to find that I was utterly ridiculous and stupid 3 months ago. I see myself as young or naive or petty. And for some reason each time I review those 3 months, I feel I’m mature at that point… as if I’ve finally become who I’m going to be throughout life… as if I’ve finally got everything all figured out. Of course we all know that in 3 months I’ll laugh at myself again.

At this point in my life I’m ready to become independent. I’ve stopped procrastinating… or at least to the extent that I used to. I want to become educated… I suddenly love learning! I used to just go to school and do the work for the grades. (This is me admitting that that is still a big factor in the equation.) However, now I’m actually being motivated to get something out of my classes. The people in my English class are so good for me. There are a lot of people in there that I respect immensely, if not agree with wholly. They’re not ignorant… they’re aware of real issues, current events, and political background. I envy them so much. In German I’m being inspired to actually learn new words and use the dictionary. I’m expanding my vocabulary and starting to really understand what’s going on. Physics has taught me to work in groups. Study groups… I wouldn’t survive that class without some of those people. I’ve always hated groups and I never got things done. Now I feel like I’m prepared for college. I’m being forced to study on my own, teach myself, and learn with others. It’s wonderful.

On a few side notes, this Friday is our 3 month anniversary. That seems like such a long time, doesn’t it? But I can honestly say that after Saturday night I like him more than ever. Some of you well know that I was getting a little wishy-washy for awhile there. And some of you also know a few issues that still remain in question. Those things aside, I’m completely happy with him. It’s as if I finally saw something in him that was so incredibly right that it was the only missing part. Something sparked in me when I was talking to him… somewhere between my crying and the philosophy conversation that we held for a half an hour… I suddenly knew I was vulnerable to be crushed at any second. A feeling I hadn’t had yet. It’s lovely.

It’s supposed to snow tonight. I think we’re expected to get a dusting, but some areas may get up to 4 inches. There’s something to be said for the first real snow. There’s something magical in the way white little flakes start falling from the sky… I can’t really explain it. It’s so new at the beginning of winter… so fresh and crisp. The days when you find yourself actually happy about seeing snow. It’s only March that I dread.

With that I’ll be

~swept away in the flurries~

@~>~>-dreamergrrl

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