a date. a real one.

Sitting on the bed, lights off, light from the snow creeping in the shadeless window, I stare at the movie a few feet in front of us. I start to get into the movie, clearly playing, not working… finally I’m understanding the difference in my psychology notes. Suddenly I barely feel the touch of his hand resting on the bed near my leg. That’s ok… I think. I just adjust the way I’m sitting, trying to make it clear without making it cruelly obvious that he should get that close right now.

Trying to stop thinking, attempting to slip back into play-mode to enjoy the movie, we comment on the ridiculous outfits, laughing, and falling back into silence as we watch. I lapse back into my comfortable and relaxed position on the bed, right leg bent at the knee, foot on the bed, left leg curled at a right angle under the opening. Sometimes my hands are folded on my stomach, sometimes hugging my knee, sometimes my hand slips and rests on the comforter. And then after awhile, he finds a way to put his hand right next to mine.

Don’t do this Willy, I think to myself. Don’t make this uncomfortable… don’t make me decide things. I remain strangely calm, and after a minute I softly pull my hand away. This continues all night… sometimes more obvious than others. At the end of the movie he stays, and we talk in the darkness and silence of my room. It’s hard to feel awkward in such a place of comfort… we have a few minutes of silence, but for the most part I try to keep the conversation going… to avoid things. He gets up to go, and I hand him his coat. We hug goodnight (we’ve spoken about being good huggers before), and he leaves to trudge through the rainy snow back to his dorm.

I am unsure.

Now we chat online… he says things, things not much different than the things he’s said all week, but now I’m sure of why he says them. I know why we suddenly talk online so much, and yet I still don’t understand how he can like me… he barely knows me. And I don’t know him well enough to either like him or not… but I get the feeling we’re very different people. He’s a frat boy… I’m anything but a sorority girl. He drinks, I don’t. He’s laid back and easy-going. I’m uptight and motherly to all of my friends. He doesn’t like the movie Bandits. This is a huge strike against him. I don’t know him well enough to say this, but I think you’re right, Alex. I don’t think I do.