8/17/02

I feel like I’m at camp. This is terrible. Horrible. I feel like I’m at Reach Out for the first two days ever… it’s the exact same feeling. They have all of these getting-to-know-you things, and I suck at it. I suck at this game… and I hate this game. Meeting new people is not my forte when you’re all stuck in a large area to roam about as you please. Put me in a classroom and I’ll meet people. Put me on a marching field and I’ll meet people. But this… this is torture. I’m not good at mixing… I don’t even like mixing. So I try to find people I at least sort of know and cling. I hate clingy people – I’m sorry for being one myself. I tend to be drawn toward my friends or acquaintances from home, and yet I really don’t want to end up only hanging out with them. I want to meet people so badly – but that’s just it – I’m so bad at it.

I guess what makes it especially hard is not having a constant roommate. Almost everyone has at least one other person to walk with because they have their roommate. Well, Jamie’s in band… they always have band rehearsal or a band movie or she’s hanging out with her band friends… she’s rarely home. I guess that’s good sometimes, because it gives me more alone time and privacy, and yet it’s hell on me socially.

Take right now for an example. I’m sitting alone in my dorm room, door wide open, Avril Lavigne playing, and typing on my laptop. I feel like such a loser… such an anti-social individual… and yet there’s really no choice right now. Ehh.