december on a post-it

  • i pointed out my house to you
  • i washed out teacups in the sink
  • well-orchestrated answering machine messages
  • someday i will have the greatest airport goodbye yet
  • i watched the bird migrations, towards the south.
  • a bloody nose, women in half slips sipping sherry and pills
  • boy smells, bruises, semi-dirty hair
  • sewing popcorn and fresh cranberries with a threading needle around our tree; our tree that is flooding with packages wrapped in embossed paper, our tree that was naked; now peppered with colored bulbs reflecting light-
  • things that made me happy.
  • 1. my russian princess coat that smells like rabbit
  • 2. red lipstick, biting my peeling lips
  • 3. how the chef talked about his lover with starry eyes.
  • 4. beautiful men in brown suede coats at the bar
  • 5. the lost and found bin full of glasses and scarves
  • 6. i weighed myself this morning
  • 7. rice crispy treat, kiwi and avocado
  • 8. taking pictures of my neck
  • 9. amelie and red wine. maria’s home-made wine made from the grapes outside.
  • 10. surrounding myself with beautiful images when i am sad
  • 11. waking my mother at night to tell her i love her.
  • 12. napoleon’s noise
  • 13. being the eye in a chaos
  • 14. lip syching in the car over black ice
  • 15. this outfit shows a hint of my ample cleavage.
  • 16. clearer skin means much less makeup.
  • 17. women with names like millie and luanne reading menus with a spyglass.
  • 18. not being able to sleep without touching him, even when i am mad.
  • 19. driving on an unlit highway at 5 AM.
  • 20. steaming myself a thermos full of chai.
  • 21. cutting you papaya
  • 22. my new moccasins
  • 23. my new pink cardigan with a black poodle on my breast.
  • things that didn’t.
  • 1. breaking my sweatpants string
  • 2. running out of wine
  • 3. i weighed myself this morning
  • 4. feeling fucked up energy
  • 5. pornography
  • 6. wet laundry
  • 7. my incessant worthless talking; your incessant worthless silence
  • 8. feeling like a nuisance, feeling painted
  • 9. the knots everywhere inside me
  • 10. supression of giving, recieving, and love/sex
  • 11. feeling parts of my body filled with a stagnant blocked energy
  • 12. giving myself reiki in the shower.
  • 13. doing things wrong, doing things right, always doing something.
  • 14. baths

 

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I LOVE your lists.

December 30, 2004

i always said it was horrible to love something and hate something the most at the same time.