a dialtone for a heartbeat

i handed in my very proper and official two week’s notice yesterday. i wrote out the letters twice, in my very best handwriting, painstakingly like a third grader would. already my mood feels ameliorated. all the changes in my life come like earthquakes, unexpected, plates of land shifting against one another and crashing into the sea. its one way to get it all over with. i usually get my tantrums and belly-aching sobs out of the way then, so they are super-concentrated and never about only one thing. my next job opportunity is up in the sky, i went into this posh restaurant in west hartford center and had a way-too impressive on the spot interview with the general manager. i’m almost certain that if the hiring manager calls me back i will get the job. i feel antsy.
last week i wouldn’t quite say that things were rocky with michael, but we did have a couple conversations about the afore-mentioned issues, and alot of what had been staying mum was said. i think alot of our arguments are born of impatience, not disaccord. it’s kind of like staring into a pot of still, hot water and stamping your feet while saying "BOIL, GOD DAMMIT!" because, you know that scientifically it’s impossible for that water not to begin to roll at some point, for that tiny green sprout to unwrapped a beautiful flower, or for the work bell to ring. but you want it then, giving birth to longing and aggravation.
we moved all our stuff to bristol on sunday. it took twelve hours. we can’t live in the house yet because we don’t have a bathtub or a fridge. i am living with my mother which is eerie and awkward. i find myself feeling like i am a disruption. i miss michael and the guest bed is hard. the nicest part about living with my mother is the bed is right next to the window, so i open it at night and it smells like grass and flowers in the morning.
going out for ice cream is fast becoming my going out for coffee.
my brother has leopard-spotted skin. his freckles are as innumerable as the stars. i love it.
now that i have a house i’d like a dog very much, thank you.

Bristol?As in like, in England Bristol? If so, I had no idea you were British.

gutterflower.

May 18, 2005

maria cried the other day because i guess you forgot to say goodbye. my mother found the bracelet i gave you from the dominican republic on the porch, ill get it back to you.

you can sleep over my house if you want…