No More

There have been a few occasions I wanted to come home to get a break from the kids. Like home to my home town. Today was one of them, but my mom was too stressed and totally flies through over 11,000 dollars a month and has no money at the end of the month and has other excuses as to why we can’t go or an appointment on Monday where we wouldn’t even be there. I literally just got over 20 days of Covid complications. Hives forever and a cough that won’t go away. So thankful Dustin brought that home and wrecked our entire August. Obviously I know he didn’t do it on purpose. People he works with literally just don’t care anymore about Covid.

I am exhausted all the time. Dustin was working this whole weekend for three days straight and I wanted help. But my family can’t give me help. They’re lives are too complicated and my sister runs the show for my mom and is going to try to get their finances in order but holy shit, how do two old people go through 11,000 a month? My dad’s dementia might cost money, but he isn’t like…needing care paid for. All I know is I can’t be my parents, in their 70s without savings, not able to live off of …11,000 a month. Not able to pay off a house that they got 38 years ago.

We uprooted our life that was going pretty well to be closer to family.  We can’t live in the city that they’re in because we personally don’t want our kids in that school system or in that life. And we wanted them to have a bit more diversity, which we surprisingly had in Boise and don’t here in Bend.

We won’t stay here. And at least I can know that I tried several times to get down to them but my mom literally said I couldn’t visit with the kids because too much was going on. Too much going on was her freaking out that Amazon double charged her and she didn’t have enough money in her checking account. Which ok. That is stressful. But you would have to understand their life and how opulent they have lived. And what the hell is going on with their finances. Not my circus. Anymore. I owe them nothing and if my mom wanted to see her grandkids she would. We could’ve come down there and helped her figure her money out and played with my dad who doesn’t have that many more years of knowing who my kids are or who I am.

I would drop everything if my kids were visiting with their kids. And I will remember to always make them feel loved and supported.

My mom already started making excuses for Labor Day and how she’s too busy.

She was supposed to come up for our anniversary and help but stuff got in the way.

We are 4 hours away not even, but it’s like we are still in Idaho.