Mess

I was doing really well. And I was pretty happy that I had solved some of my dysregulation. And then stuff occurred. Like the side effects from Lexapro. Like things that are close to serotonin syndrome and the pain in my neck (literally) and shoulders that is muscle stiffness which is a bad sign of the drug not interacting with your body correctly. So I have to wait until May 29th to figure out a new medicine because I do not have confidence yet that I am regulated on my own. With a Zionist counselor, I also have to find a new one of those. But the time I did have with her…was helpful at the time. I was walking and talking raw nerve. I have to figure something out, but I think I need to figure things out too and not just rely on medication. I was on it EVERY SINGLE DAY since December 27th. Yesterday and today are my first times without it and things feel edgy. But I can’t live in the pain I was in physically. It was causing some other concerning body things so I just have to figure out what I can do about it, but I am proud that I called my doctor’s office to schedule an appointment. At this time I don’t feel like I need counseling because I am dealing well with my parents and their immaturity that has caused them the incapacity to ever give me anything I need and I really don’t need anything from them anyway, but I also don’t need anyone telling me I need to visit them or need to communicate with them a lot. I invited them to Atlas’s birthday party and they can come or not. I will probably have to use my medicine when they’re in town, but maybe I can manage without it. I don’t know. I’m just bummed that I thought I had this figured out and that I cannot figure out more things for awhile. I’ll do my best with the tools I gained from the months of medicine and counseling to get through this time.