I don’t even know

Boise is not opening up a position until 2024 and the thought of having to be in the life that we are in and the house we are in until that time period actually kills me a little.

I am on my fourth sickness since August. Covid from Dustin in August, a cold in all other months and I used to rarely get sick. Covid truly ruined my immune system.

Let’s see. Every single thing is wrong. I try to go visit family or friends and we get exposed to sickness and can never go. I can’t go home for Thanksgiving because we are sick again. No Covid thankfully, but it’s no fun to travel sick.

The person who was going to take over childcare since we hated the other bailed, and now we are childcareless again for like the fifth time since moving to this hellscape of rich tech workers whose wives don’t work so they don’t get what we are going through.

And don’t get me started on how Trump single handedly took a small town I used to work in 7 years ago and made the crazy conservatives teach their babies to be bigots and bullies. The middle schoolers are insane and I hate teaching them more than I have ever hated teaching. I am not taking a job next year. I will substitute and it feels weird to say because since 2011 I have been employed with a contract. I don’t literally care. One reason is I need to raise my babies. I need to be there for them when Dustin isn’t. It’s just what I need to do for my family. And it works for our schedule.

Today was the day we found out Boise is waiting that long to do the lateral position. I just wanted to move back next fall. And we can’t. And it’s awful. I just want to go back to the one stupid place I felt truly at home with the family I created and not the family I was forced to have.

And sometimes you don’t know where you need to be until you leave it.

…and that’s a hard lesson.

Life was very hard last year at this time. It’s much better, but kind of worse in different ways.

The mental load of trying to find childcare and do so much for the kids is crushing me.

That is it.