Everyday I write the eulogy for everything I used to be

So Switchfoot guy wrote this song and I think it’s super important because he questions if he even believes in the songs he made that got me through 14-18 and actually probably 14-38. I never really chose to find Switchfoot’s songs about God, but life. Spirituality. Not Christian Nationalism. That’s always been my problem. Hypocrites is a huge theme in my diary for the last 25 years. I still dislike hypocrisy and people who pretend to be pious, but treat people terribly. And also vote for Trump. It makes no sense. If Jesus is real, he would not be pleased.

Health-wise I am doing well. Mentally o much better…even in this climate of hate and fascism. It’s currently winning. I like to think it’s like Star Wars where it looks like the Empire is winning, but the resistance finally does. And it might be winning for 1500 more days. But we can control our small bubble and we can do things that make sure we don’t support what’s happening. It took me four years, but we have finally lost that 20 lbs that dragged us down and made us not recognize ourselves in the mirror. I know some people think I have a body image problem. I do. You are correct. The weight I lost isn’t wild and it has just put me back to where I was pre-children and the body I have looks different after children, but I recognize myself and I give myself so much more grace and I am proud of myself for taking care of me as best as I can.

See. Control what you can. I can’t control the president or what he does to tear democracy down. I can control how I raise my kids. Decisions I make for my kids. My boy will be started at a K-8 school next year that is one of the most welcoming to ALL and will keep him and his sister kids longer than a typical experience. It’s a school through the district, but it’s a magnet and the messages our justice, empathy and an open mind. I can get my kids into a public school that will fight against Trump’s wild ways. Another thing I can control.

I can associate with like-minded people for now. People that do not think what is happening in America is okay. I can keep people at a distance who are racist nationalists. I was a conservative when I was 18. I think I almost voted against gay marriage because I didn’t really understand anything. I’m thankful for my music obsession of Rufus to put a face to the situation. He deserved to marry. I believe I voted for it after that. And then I just went liberal from then on. Wild.

I wish I could talk to 18 year old me. That would also be wild. I don’t think she would even be able to understand who we are today.

That’s all.