so im bi….

and sadly that’s not even the reason why i started this diary thing…so im 38, just got my own place, and finally starting on my own. It took a while for me to get here…i guess because all my life it;s either..i use the excuse of procrastination…..or just being a victim of a lot of crap….and just… always feeling alone. so earlier on my life… i was a typical…always almost sexually abused by uncles..or cousins…whatever. Decided to keep it all in…. and just… always had this facade….that im okay. and im over it. and whatever… so pretty much..all my life… i’ve always had that ghost…of always feeling like it might have been my fault..that i’m always a target of these men in my family. so i just always thought it was my fault.

So i dont know if that’s the reason why …i always felt safe with women. It was weird growing up..having confused feelings of…maybe its because my friend cares about me a lot..and they dont hurt me…so i end up having deeper feelings. I can finally say it outloud on this diary that i think most of my bestfriends i was actually attracted to. and sadly of course i lost them all. I had boyfriends…but even the boyfriends i had were either married and i was the mistress for 5 years….or they end up just ghosting me…then talking to me again when they want sex…and the other was probably just confused with his sexuality as well since he was my age…and never had a girlfriend but me. and then he just left me…then wanted to come back…. but never wanted to have sex….. so weird. lol.

So i guess my lack of love, and friends to talk to lead me to this site….. to just…….talk…and think… and just….finally be open with the fact that im bisexual, and now i honestly dont know what to do…. and im just… totally lost…

So this is day one entry…