it’s strange isn’t it….

that social media somehow…..has influenced how we look at someone…..and ourselves. It’s strange how some people…..that you don’t even know….seem to be more accepting and open to you…..than the people that you actually spend physical time with….and its so strange….that now its so easy to fall in love with someone you don’t know at all…and just met on the internet….. rather than someone you actually went on a date with face to face.

so these past few years….i’ve been dating men…. and every time…. something just doesn’t feel right so i always end up  just having a “first date” and never gets followed up…so i’ve had first dates multiple times, but always end up…disappointed..or un attracted…or just…un satisfied…like there is just this one particular idea of a person that i truly want… but never meet.

Five years ago..there was this chat app…where i met a friend….that i pretty much talk to about everything with…. she was always listening, and just always there when i need someone to talk to. I never met her in person….and we never sent each other photos….and yet we were talking for 5 years. There was something about the way we talk to each other….that just made me feel more for her…than any of these people that i met in my life… and sad as it is….i think i’ve loved her more than anyone that i have been with in all my life…..but of course just like everything in my life.. just recently she just stopped talking to me and i dont know why.

Why do i always end up with these mess……

strange……second entry