Never Meet Your Hero. Ch.4

In the second-class carriage of the train running from Anapa to Murmansk there was a stuffy stench from the crowd of hot, sweaty passengers. I occupied an upper seat next to the lavatory. It was one of the suckiest seats in the carriage – that’s why it cost so cheap. Well, beggars can’t be choosers, as they say, and I was definitely not in the position to wrinkle my nose. Even though there was a real reason to wrinkle my nose at – there was such a stink of human urine coming from the lavatory that even my hair seemed to smell like it. I didn’t give a fuck, though – I was fluing high in my eithoria, dreaming of my new life and my forthcoming romantic adventures. Just like that song goes:

Here the upper seat near the lavatory

It’s the only option I have,

Yeah I know it feels quite uncomfortable,

But I’ll get mine when we arrive.

Of course, it was not the kind of music I preferred. I had downloaded to my player a lot of cool tracks by The Broken Silence, and now I was enjoying them, flying high over the gray and rainy scenery of the Russian North sweeping by the train window.

That’s the real in you,
Know that’s the real in you,
Break shackles of the ones that hold back and limit you.
That’s what’s critical,
Know that’s what’s critical
Empowered to make moves on your own.
That’s the pinnacle…

Somewhere on the Internet I had read an article that psychopaths and latent maniacs prefer to listen to rap and the so-called ‘dark music’. Also they like strong coffee with no sugar. Well, I absolutely adore rap, i love it madly, it gives me extasy. I can actually fall into a trance and have an orgasm listening to it. Interestingly, the more thrash the lyrics contain the higher I fly on it. And yes, I never put sugar in my coffee. Also, I like eating crisps and nuts with a crunch until my teeth break.

I am a latent phychopath and a maniac. But I am what I am.

My eyes must have been shining so bright with the Pinnacle song that it got obvious to the passenger from the lower seat, a lean old man of sixty or so. Taking some of his bags from the upper baggage shelf he looked at me and said:

“I see the devil in your eyes, girl. You look a bit too excited. But it’s okay, you’re gonna make it. If you make the right choice…”

The replics of thhe random old man intrigued me. I jumped off my upper seat to get myself some hot water from the boiler. Meanwhile the old man had made friends with all the passengers of our car. And they were chatting lively like they had known one another forever.

“Why are you drinking hot water on its own? Come, take the tea and the lemon,” the old man said treating me.

“Thanks. I don’t drink tea. But I wouldn’t give up on the lemon, though” I replied.

“Are you going back home?” he asked.

“I’m moving to Olenegorsk. Going to rent an apartment – they say, the accomodation is quite cheap over there.”

“And the place is quite nice. Pine trees, lakes…”

I ran my mouth and five minutes later all my fellow travellers knew all about me. That I had come back from Australia where I’d spent almost three years. As a proof, I showed them some Australian coins I had with me – dollars and cents with a kangaroo etched on the heads. I gave a couple of the coins away – one to the girl of my age named Tanya, and the other to a little nine-year old girl travelling with her mom.

And then the old man moved closer to me and whispered into my ear:

“I’m a numerologist. Would you like me to tell your fortune by numbers?”

“Of course, I would! But, um, I have no more coins…”

“I’m doing it not for coins, but solely from my heart.”

“Okay, then.”

I told him my name and my date of birth. The old man made some calculations with a stubby pencil on a piece of paper and then he said:

“Your life hasn’t been easy, but now the number of your fortune is dramatically changing. Where you’re going a great present is awaiting you, it’s your reward for all your handships. Mind you don’t miss your chance, don’t succumb to the devil’s temptations. You’re gonna be faced with a difficult choice. If you make the right choice you will get your reward. If you don’t, it’s your funeral.

“What kind of a reward is it?” I asked.

“I suppose, it’s what you have long been longing for, but can’t have gotten so far. However, I can see the devil in your eyes, and your hectic personality is pushing you to acting stupid. You are prone to having fun, like a butterfly flittering from one flower to another. You had better get settled and put your energy in the right direction. Otherwise it may play a cruel joke with you…”

“What cruel joke?”

“You may lose everything you posess, through your carelessness.”

I grunted. What a weird old man! What on Earth can I lose more since I’ve lost everything as it is? I’ve got no home, no money. No husband or family. Nothing at all. Nothing but my freedom and the Northern sky over my head.

Like that song by The Ellipses goes – or the quote from the movie:

“It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we are free to do anything.”