A former teenager’s story. Ch. 9-12

CHAPTER 9

That was a nice, splendid June. Sue and I spent every day together for four weeks. We kept walking around hand in hand like two little fools and people would say that we were “as thick as thieves”.

As the saying goes, a man is known by the company he keeps. It was truly said about Sue and me. The fact that we liked each other at first sight and got on like a house on fire was no accident. I could see a vague reflection of myself in her – the true myself, dormant still. The artistic temperament of my new friend, her recklessness and passion for adventure was a part of my own personality suppressed so far by my family and school environment. We had similar souls but different backgrounds: unlike me, she wasn’t pushed around by her family and her self confidence was appreciably higher.

That summer was unusually hot. Sue and I would spend all afternoon at the lake, swimming ourselves to death. When the weather was bad we would climb the stairs up to the attic in my house, have tea and share different stories. The attic was cluttered up with all sorts of rubbish: crates for cabbage, rolls of tar-paper, woodworking tools… There had used to be my grandad’s workshop up there; now, as Grandad was down after a stroke the attic was covered with dust and looked totally neglected and destructed. Sue and I had done our best to make it a home: from the empty crates and boards we’d fashioned a table, two stools and even a sofa which we’d covered with an old rug and some badly-worn foam cushions.

At times Sue was given her pocket money: forty or fifty rubles. Back those days it was a big sum – as big as a thousand rubles now. And then we rode our bicycles to the store and bought all sorts of treats: iсe-cream sandwiches, lollipops, potato chips, coke, chocolate bars – mars, bounty, twix… We grabbed all that stuff, brought it to my attic and made a feast up there. Sue had always been generous in sharing treats with me and I loved her for that.

But all good things must come to an end. Time passed, and one day our serene friendship was put at stake.

One of my first novellas, no longer existent, was “A bone of contention”. I wrote it when I was thirteen years old; it was about Sue betraying me for the first time. Or, more specifically, not that she did ”betray” me – that’s too big a word for it. Our “bone of contention” was a guy we both had a crush on. Back the time I was writing that story in the aftermath I described her treachery and highlighted the contrast between our enjoyable, untroubled friendship before and what it had turned into after the unfortunate day we’d met at the lake a cute boy named Roma, and she had immediately ripped off her friendly mask and revealed her true colors.

Now, looking back as far as almost twenty years ago I am forced to admit that there was no stark contrast between the “good friend” and “evil monster” I had described in that novella. Since I’ve put pen to paper over again I’ve decided not to pursue intrigue or a twist, but just tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth. That’s why this story is kind of boring. Any unvarnished story is. Nonetheless, I think it’s worth writing for this is a case in which this boring story has a right to exist.

Long before we had an argument over Roma boy my friendship with Sue had begun to deteriorate slowly but surely. Sue kept hurting me accidentally on purpose, leaving fractures in my soul. She could, for instance, start picking on me in the middle of a nice heart-to-heart conversation we liked to have sitting in the “confidential attic” as we called it.

“You know, I reckon even in the countryside one should dress smartly. Your red t-shirt and green skirt don’t match in any way,” she pointed out demonstratively eyeing my clothes whereas I was actually wearing a faded red t-shirt and unwashed green long skirt.

“Yeah, maybe…” I mumbled uncertainly as I glanced at my shabby outfit, “But I’ve got no other clothes in here”

Sue rolled her eyes.

“Come on, you’re making excuses. Look, you’re complaining that boys don’t like you. But you do nothing to make them to. They like well-groomed, well-dressed, good-looking girls…”

“So, according to you, I’m not well-groomed and not good-looking?” I said frowning.

“Well, if I’m honest… I mean, no offence, honey, ok?”

“Well?!” cried I losing patience, “Fire away now, will you? Do I look ugly?”

“Actually yes, you do. No, I mean, not that you look that very ugly, but, you know, you look just a little bit… frumpy.”

“What the hell?!” I exclaimed flaring up “Why do you think I’m a frump?”

“Not a frump, I didn’t say that. I’m just saying you’re a little bit frumpy, that’s all.”

Oh she definitely knew how to push my buttons; those remarks of hers were driving me up the wall! But I said nothing, idiot that I am, even as I was seething inside with anger and resentment.

CHAPTER 10

That day Sue and I were at the lake as usual. It was a weekend; the beach was packed and the lake itself crawling with swimmers. But at that age, unlike this, I found no sight more delightful than a big crowd of lively people. This created an exciting, festive atmosphere inside of me; just like this I used to enjoy crowds of guests at our home, and every time the party was over I felt like happiness and joy had gone with the guests, leaving some strange void in my heart.

Crowds of people used to be in my sweet dreams; what sweet dream could be without a lively hum of many voices, merry crowds and many smiling faces popping out of open windows.

And now the crowded view of the Saturday beach and the sparkling in the sun water surface crawling with bright-colored air mattresses, rubber boats, balls and swimmers’ heads filled my heart with festive joy. The cheerful confusion of many voices mixed with loud dance rhythms coming from transistor boomboxes was literally music to my ears.

“Let’s go swimming now!” I cried in excitement as I was pulling off my clothes right there.

Sue didn’t mind – and in one second we joined the crowd of bathing people, jumping in the water, splashing and laughing.

“Could you cross to the other side?” I nodded at the far-off (as it seemed to us back then) opposite side of the lake.

“Piece of cake!”

And so we swam forward. But as soon as we got out of our depth Sue suddenly felt like drowning me. Her face got twisted with fury; she swam up to me with the intention to fulfill her horrible plan. I rolled over on my back to make it easier to escape from her and went as fast as a motorboat.

“Okay, that’s it! Come back now, I won’t hurt you” cried she pretending to surrender.

“Go to hell!”

She dashed like a shark towards me again with the purpose of catching me. Laughing, I kicked the water and splashed her face.

This is where, while we were fooling around in the middle of the lake, a big rubber boat approached us. There were two people in it: a grown-up man and a boy of fourteen or fifteen, a very cute one, I must say.

“Hey ladies, it’s dangerous to swim this far!” the man called out to us, “Come on in the boat!”

He didn’t have to ask us twice, as we leapt into the boat that very instant.

“Sergey!” called out a female voice from ashore. Apparently it was the name of the boy’s father.

“Rom, you take the oars now, ok?” he said to his son and, as he jumped in the water, the man swam breaststroke towards the shore.

Having remained in the boat with Roma Sue began to shoot questions at him:

“What is your name, boy? How old are you? What grade are you in?”

Roma patiently answered all of her questions. When he added that he had completed the secondary school and achieved good scores, Sue turned up her nose and snorted:

“Huh! I’m a strong A-student!”

Oh yeah, a straight A-student, right! I’d seen her grandad make her do math after dinner every day! I’d seen her geometry book with a D in it! I wished I could tell Roma about it, but Sue jabbered on and on so I couldn’t get a word in edgewise. She was brazenly sitting close to him, nearly trying to kiss his mouth, while I was backed into the stern and sat there quietly sighing to myself and taking shy glances at Roma. He didn’t even look at me which was no wonder, as Sue made me look tacky. She had gorgeous flowing hair; her breasts were filling out of her new sexy pink bikini. Whilst I was wearing stupid pigtails and an antediluvian swimsuit of Gran Zoya I’d taken in with a thick thread. I looked just hideous; and to cap it all, as ill luck would have it, flies started gathering around me and making me look in Roma’s eyes even more ridiculous. Sue, **** that she was, noticed it and didn’t refrain from the snide comment:

“Flies are usually attracted to shit”

Struck dumb with her impudence I was at a loss for words. Roma, in the meantime, had already landed and said they were going home now but tomorrow, at about four pm he would be here at the lake again.

“Let’s go home” Sue said to me as Roma was gone.

“So soon? Haven’t we just come?” I said reluctantly, yet I pulled on my clothes and rode my bicycle after Sue.

All the way back we were silent. Usually we had come back home from the lake by five pm – right to Simplemente Maria tv-show we would watch at her place eating cherries. But this time Sue didn’t even make an attempt to turn on the TV and she never touched the peaches and apricots sitting in a pile on the dining table. We sat sullenly on the couch and sulked – we both knew why.

“Shall we watch Maria today or not?” I began first.

“I don’t want to” muttered Sue, “Let’s go up to your attic instead”

“Up to my attic? Why?”

“We need to talk.”

 

CHAPTER 11

The attic was, as usual, cluttered with dusty crates, boards and stuff. There was a big pile of wood shavings under the lathe. Sue and I had usually liked to have fun rolling in those wood shavings, but now we were not in the mood for it.

As soon as we came into the attic I sat in a big vegetable crate and began to reflect. Sue was frowning, too. She found some old little mirror in the pile of rubbish, fiddled with it for a while and, as she wiped it with an old piece of cloth she sat beside me.

“Repeat after me: With this holy mirror we vow to tell each other the truth and nothing but the truth. Now you answer me a question so I will answer it honestly.”

I didn’t know what to ask her about. I mean, I did, but I preferred to think I didn’t. Probably because I was afraid to hear the “honest” answer.

“I think you better go first.” I said.

“Alright, then” Sue said rapidly and fired:

“Do you love Roma?”

“Yes” I said briefly.

Sue flung the mirror aside, paced up and down the attic and, as she halted, she stared in my eyes.

“And you are hoping for… something between you and him?”

I averted my eyes.

“Don’t know…”

She squatted down in half-turn to me and said after a pause:

“I tell you what, forget about Roma! You are not a match for him.”

“Why not?”

She gave me a contemptuous look.

“Let’s be honest. Roma is a handsome guy. A handsome guy needs a beautiful girl. Right?”

“That’s right” I admitted.

“Are you beautiful?”

“No…”

“See?” emphasized Sue, “That’s my exact point. So please, do me a favor, get out of my way. Tomorrow I’ll go to the lake alone.”

“Oh I see. So you’re saying that the best match for Roma is you?”

“Yes, it’s me. Not you.”

“May I ask why? On what grounds?”

“On such grounds, honey, as me being a lot more attractive, successful and better than you.”

“Prove it!” I cried.

“I will,” Sue took her thick curly lock of hair in one hand and my thin rat tail in the other and in the sunlight coming from the dim little window she showed the comparison

“See? My hair is way better than yours.”

“Ok, let’s say it is. What else?”

“What else?” Sue stood up demonstrating the shape of her well-developed bust, “Is it not enough? Whose breasts do you think look more appealing – mine or those mosquito bites of yours? And what about the legs? Whose legs are longer – let’s measure them!”

“I’m not going to measure anything.” I muttered.

“Of course you’re not, because you know the result.”

My chin quivered and my vision became blurry. I clenched my teeth trying to choke back my sobs but tears were already rolling down my cheeks.

“Aw, honey, are you crying? What’s wrong?” she tried to hug me but I pushed her arms away.

“Nothing. Piss off!”

“Ok, let’s just forget the conversation… I don’t want us to quarrel over some random boy!”

“It’s not about the boy!” I howled.

“So much the better! Friends now?” she held out her little finger and, taking mine, she recited:

“Make friends, make friends,

Never never break friends…”

“Alright, but only if tomorrow we go to the lake together.” said I.

Sue sighed a sigh.

“Okay, if you insist…”

CHAPTER 12

Like yesterday, there were a lot of people on the beach. Again there was loud misic booming from the sunbathers’ portable speakers and cars. Again there were cheerful screams of bathing kids, splashing and jumping in the water. But unlike yesterday I no longer felt as happy and excited. I didn’t feel like swimming; wrapping myself in a towel I stood on the bank and peered into the distance trying to figure out the brown rubber boat amidst the colored variety of others on the water surface sparkling in the sun – but it wasn’t threre…

I didn’t care about the bright summer day on the beach. I didn’t care about the happy people having fun around me. I was blind and deaf to everything around; even the Sun in the sky seemed dark to me, the lake cold and uncomfortable, the bustling of the beach stupid and unnecessary.

Sue, excited and cheerful, ran up to me.

“Why don’t we take a swim?”

“I don’t want to” I muttered sullenly.

She squatted down beside me and, as she found a stick in the sand, handed it to me.

“Draw what you’re thinking about”

I drew a heart with an arrow through the center. She frowned.

“So that’s it?”

“Yes, that’s it” I answered through my teeth.

Sue stood up abruptly.

“Wow, it’s past three already” she said looking at her watch, “You gotta go home, your gran is worrying”

“She can wait,” I said dryly, “But why are you sending me away? Let’s go home together, then.”

“Okay, okay…”

Sue began gathering her sh*ts with apparent reluctance. I was all dressed and stood by the bicycles waiting for her, while she was lingering on purpose, pulling off and on her bikini and employing any pretext to stall me: now she lost her sunglasses, then she dropped her pants in the mud…

“Will you quit dawdling there or not?” I snapped out losing patience, “Don’t keep me waiting!”

“I’m not keeping you! You may go, if you want to.”

I gave up on her and went home alone.

At home I was ”greeted” by my very cranky grandmother. As soon as I opened the gate she shouted to me from the other end of the yard where there was a shed we used as a kitchen:

“Have you got mashed potatoes for brains or what?”

I ignored that remark and, having washed my hands, approached the table.

“Bear in mind: if you are late for dinner next time, the shed will be shut!” Grandmother hurled a bowl of sorrel soup on the table, “I’m not gonna dance around the stove for you all day!”

Another time I would have burst out laughing on fancying the fat figure of Gran Zoya, wearing an apron and a kerchief and dancing the twist at the stove with a ladle in her hand – but now I couldn’t think about it. I was chewing sluggishly on the cold soup, reflecting over where the deuce that Sashka could be. It had already been an hour since I left the lake yet she wasn’t showing up.

Sue popped up only in the evening. I was sitting in the arbor and reading a book about a girl in white when I heard her abrupt voice calling my name from behind the gate.

I immediately put the book aside and headed for the gate. Sue was standing behind the fence with a twisted face and shaking the gate so furiously as though she was going to rip it off the hinges.

“Open the gate, quick! I got to talk to you right now!” she snapped out.

My hands shaking, I rushed to pull out the tight rusty latch. It wouldn’t give way. It was past nine o’clock and my paranoid grandfather had the habit of locking all the doors including the gate at eight.

“Call your grandfather, now! Tell him to open the gate! Quick!!!” cried Sue losing it.

Grandfather came and opened the gate. But Sue refused to come in so we sat down on the grass by the gate in the shade of a big fir tree.

“I’ve been at the lake…”

Those words hit me like an electric shock. So that’s where Sue had been until nine p.m.! That’s why she had dawdled there for so long, trying by hook or by crook to get rid of me!

She didn’t really have to continue; what she said next wasn’t breaking news to me. Although it was so unbearably painful to listen on.

“Roma came with his friends and we spent all day together. And then his mate pulled him aside and I heard him ask: “So is she your crush?” And Roma said: “Shh, yep…”

Sue was chatting on and on but I could no longer hear or understand her. All my hopes, all my dreams had collapsed. What an idiot I’d been baring my soul to her! And she had just snatched my crush from under my nose! What sense did it make talking to her now?

“Oh honey, please, don’t cry…” she said mockingly in a sing-song voice “I’m so sorry for you, so sorry! Don’t make me feel bad… Do you want me to cede Roma for you? I will talk to him, ok? I’ll tell him to go out with you, if you want me to.”

“No!!!” I snapped out, “I don’t want your pity or your favours! You’ve already done me a favor…”

“Up to you,” she replied coldly as she stood up, “If you don’t want to admit that you’ve lost the game, just say so, ok? And stop sniveling, go to the abandoned house and calm down. I’m not going to wipe your tears!”

And she left me sitting there in the dust, crushed and brokenhearted…