What is Home?

Recently, for some reason, I have been contemplating the whole "home" issue. What is home? How do you define it? And how do you know when you find it?

The term ‘home’ is thrown around quite a bit. Everyone, when they are out, calls their place of residence home. Do we just use the term so much that it has lost its meaning, much like love (also thrown around quite a bit). Currently I am living in a bsmt apt is Guelph and it is most definitely not my home, however when I am out I just call it home. It’s just easier to say ‘home’ then ‘place of residence.’  However, I still refer to my parents’ place as home too, which doesn’t feel like home either. My stuff is split between mom and dad’s and Guelph house; neither of which feel like home. Where I am living, the place came furnished, all I brought were some dishes, bedding, and the basics, along with clothes and such.

So is home where all of your stuff is and is completely yours? (you choose the wall colours, decorations, etc.?).

Or is home something deeper? For my, and everyone else’s sake, I hope so.

"Home is where the heart is."

What a nice saying but I still don’t fully comprehend what this means. I mean, on the surface I do, but is there a deeper meaning to it? For a very literal interpretation, home is where you physically are (aka your beating heart). I’m sure it was never meant to mean this, but some people take that as home- how cold and uninviting.

I suppose the deeper message to this saying is that home is where your heart is (aka your love and that very special someone). This is a more common interpretation, I am sure. I am living with my girlfriend who, I think I have decided, I want to be with for life. We are only 23, so anything could happen…but that’s another entry haha. So, we live together and it’s going really well and I love her to death and all of that good stuff. But I am not happy here in Guelph. I wake up dreading my day (slight exxageration), I come home, sit down and don’t want to move. That’s not really living. But I’m with Krys which does make me happy knowing that I get to come home to her at the end of my work day. For me, that’s a comforting feeling. But I am still not happy in Guelph and don’t feel at peace in my apt.

On the other hand, I know many people who are single, living on their own and are perfectly happy, or so they say. I have no reason to doubt them so for sake of argument, they are happy living alone. So where is their heart? It’s not with a significant other. So is it with their material possessions? My friends are not materialistic and don’t go drop 1000s of dollars in an instant.  But in their apartments, they have their more prized possessions, and pictures and things like that. So this brings me full circle to my original point: is home where your beating heart is with your stuff around you?

Or is home a combination of the two? Is home where you are with your loved one (or things, or friends) and the physical place of where your beating heart is?

I have been struggilng lately with this notion of home. In my life I have spent significant time (about a month or longer) across Southern Ontario, Northern Ontario, Manitoba, British Columbia, and Ghana. I have loved everywhere I have gone, but none of the places have felt like home. Most recently, Wawa has felt more like home than anywhere else (and I had a dorm style room with little to none of my own personal things. In Manitoba, I had more of my own personal things and all of my friends, but still not completely home. My parents’ place isn’t home anymore, and Guelph is not home.

So where is my home? Am I running from something? I keep leaving like I’m trying to find something, but am still lost. Or am I just not ready to find "home"? I have been saying for a while that I would like to have a small place of my own to come back to after being away- but really only use it as a starting base; should anything happen, I know I have that small place on this earth that is mine with my stuff and my own aura. But would that work? And I am not ready to settle down and find a permanent place yet.

Allison Lickely, a singer-song writer from Northern Ontario, has a song, Mountains, which is basically about what home is and it’s an amazing song. I have included the youtube link to it below. Basically she is giving her definition of what home is and it’s very appropriate for this entry, and for me. I find myself listening to it mayn times just because I can relate to it so much right now. She talks about when thing don’t click around you. For example, and not a direct quote, but close enough for my purposes, "when the birds they don’t song your song/ and your words they come out all wrong/… that ain’t home/ that aint home." Imagine more of this and then she switches to what home is, "when you write a song and it’s true…"

I am just not really sure what I am looking for and I keep hoping that I will find it, or atleast get a little close to finding it, when I go away. Or am I just running away from something? Or am I actually getting closer to finding what I am looking for but just can’t see it? 

Mountains by Allison Lickley
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F7c5p2s2xmQ