Happy September!

Wow. Look at me and my great skills at keeping this up to date. It’s only been, what, just about 2 months since I said I was going to try and keep this more updated? Well, seems like I failed at that one haha.

Anyway, what can I say about this past month, or so? Whoa. I just checked and saw that my last entry was mid-July. How to sum up 2ish months in one entry- and remember all that has happened!

Well, let’s start with my Mom. She moved to California back in March and is getting married (3rd time’s a charm, right?) this Saturday. It’s suppose to be a small occasion and just close friends. However, I have a feeling that none of my Mom’s friends from Canada are going, which is too bad. I know none of us kids are going, since we can’t afford it- flying from Toronto to San Francisco is really expensive. Anyway, she seems happy, so that’s all good.

Job wise, the summer went pretty good, minus my supervisor who was power-tripping, lazy, arrogant, and overall, just a terrible supervisor. Daniel (my ‘crew’) and I did what we could, but there is just so much work that needs to be done there, that it’ll never get done. Anyway, Daniel has gone back to school and my job was up in the air, since apparently the budget was severely overdrawn. Anyway, the plan was to share me between two locations within the Conservation Authority BUT the other place, Black Creek Pioneer Village, offered me full time and a guaranteed contract until next August- and higher pay, so I just took that one. To be fair, even if I were to have stayed at the other place, Kortright Centre, at part time, probably by October I would have been let go anyway; going to Black Creek is a better financial/stable move for me. I’m not sure if I’ll stay until next August, but probably atleast for the winter.

I’m currently not teaching, obviously. However, being in Toronto for the winter (aka school year) means I can try and volunteer some places to get more experience. I’m thinking of applying with the Toronto Public Libraries to do after school tutoring for high school students. I just need to get the application and such all done- and I lack the motivation. Mainly because getting a criminal records check with a vulnerable sector screening is like pulling teeth from a crocodile, for me. It always seems that’s there’s a problem and it takes so bloody long.

Now onto the juicy stuff. Krys and I broke up- or rather I broke up with Krys. It’s funny how things change from one entry (2 months ago) to now haha. Anyway, for a while I had been feeling like I wasn’t pulling my weight in the relationship and I can’t say I was overly happy either. I went out to Manitoba for a friend’s wedding and I realised that I didn’t miss her like I used to. I also found out that 2 friends didn’t see us lasting as long as we did (5 yrs) and that they didn’t think Krys was good enough for me- and I wasn’t good enough for her. Compound all this, and I realised that I was staying in the relationship because it was what i knew and I was scared to be single again. However, it’s been almost a month (my God) and I’m still standing. I feel happier and more energetic. It was hard letting go of the past and memories and everything we shared- and to be fair, I’m still not completely over it. I mean, I’m not looking for anyone else; I’m happy where I am right now. Anyway, it was hard knowing that I hurt her as much as I did with the break-up and what had happened in the relationship. It was also more difficult because she isn’t ‘crazy’ or anything. When you get down to it, she’s smart, funny, beautiful, kind, generous, and everything else you would want in a partner- but it felt like something was amiss.  It felt like something wasn’t clicking anymore; I was the major problem in it all. I admit that fully.

So here I am, a month later, still single and realigning my life and where I want to go/be….and trying to pay off debt so I can be free from it. But I digress. I wish her all the best in life. She has a spark in her and an energy that I couldn’t keep up to and I know she’ll go far in life; she can’t do anything BUT succeed, whatever form that takes.

As for me, I’ll make it to somewhere. All in good time. For now, I breathe and reassert myself again.