hate fills my heart.

I feel so damn angry. She hasn’t broken up with me yet.. but She still hasn’t talked to me. I’ve stopped texzting her since yesterday. When she is ready to talk to me then fine.

I’m tired of all this… It takes a lot out of someone when they put so much effort into someone. I’m not your average douche bag guy that uses someone. When I tell you I love you… I mean it. I know she knows this. I know this is why she would regret breaking up with me. I’m terrible on paper though. I’m 26, college drop out, work at dominos, live in a apartment down town, my car is slowly breaking down, I was in one serious relationship that lasted longer than 4months. ( okay it was 8 years but still ) I’m just tired of looking at the "good" in myself when all those qualities I think are terrilble things about me. 

My mom called me today and I didn’t have the heart to talk to her. I know she is going to ask how lindsay and I are, and I don’t have the heart to tell her that things aren’t really that great. My family and her family love each other, and love that we were dating. I feel ashamed that things might not work out. I just want to hold her. I just want to kiss her. Kisses can usually make a shitty situation better right? no they don’t… things usually have to be in a good situation for kisses to be given.

I’m trying to stay positive in my head. I’m going to work out here in a minute to try and keep my mind clear. That is what everyone keeps telling me to do. Stay positive, stay busy. but it hurts to know i was supposed to be great! I was supposed to be something. Now what am I? I feel worthless.