09/10/2013

sometimes I feel like my life just couldn’t get any more bizzare. Sometimes I wish I could wake up and be a different person with different feelings and emotions. Something about being 26 ,pot smoker, unable to work, and generally unhappy seems to be some of the worst things that could happen to someone like me.

I had a crazy dream last night about this Syrian issue.I had a dream that we attacked them, and that this was all a distraction by russia and so on, and they invaded America. We were constantly being shelled and soldiers were coming to the house to try and "clear" them. I was stuck in a house with my friend charlie, and his girlfriend sarah. I was constantly being asked what to do, and who we should do. It kinda scared me to have people looking up to me, and asking me for advice on a situation. The dream was so real that it almost seemed like something straight from a movie. I guess sometimes dreams can be as wild and open as that one.

Lately I find myslef asking myself why on earth I am still in this town. let alone this country. I hate that we are so caught up in being the aggressor and sending troops to their deaths in different countries. I hate that this town has so many memories of my ex Amanda. Everywhere I go I have something that comes to my head from when we were together. Something about her I can’t get rid of her. I hate that., Part of me thinks it’s my mind telling me that she is still the one you want, yet part of me is telling me that it;’s all the things you hate in someone. I need to get outta this town, so that I can get my head in straight. Why does it feel like every move I make is because of her? it almost doesn’t feel fair that I have to do this to myself. She is moving on, and frankly doesn’t think about me anymore. It scares me to think that, but you know what? maybe I should try and do the same…. especially because I have a girlfirend who honestly adores me, and does so much for me. I just wish I could get passed it.

The arm is still broken, and I find out on Thursday if the healing process is going good or not. I am keeping a positive attitude about the situation, however my step mom and dad tried to bring me outta my positivity coma, and make me realize that things might not go as planned.

This is my problem… I am trying to stay positive, and remain true to the faith while I can. It is just hard because of all the people around me being negative, and what not.

Charlie wants to be a rapper, and honestly I really could see him making an impact. The world needs more people who are positive like himself. And I feel as long as I am positive towards his goals he will be positive towards himself. I feel almost obligated to stay positive because I don’t want him to feel like I am trying to bring him down. The last thing on earth I wanna do is put someone and their dreams down.

This broken arm thing is for the birds lemme tell ya. I’m not allowed to work, and I am not allowed to lift anything. I hate that I can’t work, but I know the first week was kinda bitter sweet to me. I loved being away from the store, but in the same sense I know it is gonna finacially cripple me, an there is nothing I can do about it. that is again why I am trying not to be all negative about this situation.I haven’t made any resume’s or anything like that and honestly I have lied to my mom and dad about this because I honestly wanna work at dominos whole I finish my schooling. I just want a place where people know I am good to them, and they will be good to me while I finish my schooling. However, I am highly considering working at the gas station near where I live to help try and bring some income to this place. we will see how that goes I guess.

I think it is time for bed even though I am really into this whole typing thing tonight and I don’t know why. I hope everyone is doing good, and I am sorry I haven’t been keeping up with people and their entries;. Sometimes life moves so fast that we can’t hardly see what is in front of us, let alone what is going on around us. miss everyone.

-Adam