04/26/2012

I usually don’t like to type my entries this early, I always end up having something else to say later. Today has just been kinda a blah day though. However I did weigh myself again today after I worked out and I lost yet ANOTHER pound. 83!!! jeesh I never really thought I would lose this much so quickly. However, I shouldn’t complain.

Today started off with the whole going to work thing. I worked this morning with the owner as the MOD, and me as the driver. I never really drive so when I do I kinda have fun. The day goes by quick because I am always doing something different then what I have done when I am the MOD. I ended up only taking two deliveries though, but i still made 6 bucks in tips. ( i never get tips inside lol ) so I was happy to at least make something. As soon as I got off, i hurried over to levels, and pounded out a good workout with mary. She was there with her friend jenny so it was kinda fun. Then I sat around and talked to Bruce for awhile, about a lot of stupid stuff.

This morning at around 3 am I had the nerve to text amanda. I told her that I just hated laying in my bed when I know all the memories we had on it. NOT just what everyone would think out of that. I used to be sleeping, and She would come over in the mornings. She would be super quiet and just get under the covers with me and wake me up by kissing me on the forehead. Then we would just look at each other all morning and hug and kiss, and sleep. God I miss those days. However she never responded to the text this morning. It wasn’t until around 11 or so when she texted me and said she was sorry that she was sleeping this morning. We texted a few times back and forth, but she was obveously annoyed by school, and the fact she had to work. And quite possibly me asking her questions about her day. I’m just trying to be there for her, and not annoy her. not working i don’t think.

When will women open their eyes, and not their legs to their problems. Every time they do that they only cause more problems to themselves down the road. I HATE that she does this. I have no words anymore to stop her from this anymore. I have no magic button to press to make all my problems better. Truth be told I know it’s over. I just have a hard time letting go. I always have that "what if mentality" I just don’t want to leave for good knowing that deep down there was something I could have done to fix it all. I say this all the time, but I just want her arms around me. I want her to be mine. It’s not easy for me to take someones advice about just getting over her, I just can’t and don’t want to forget about her. unless there is some kind of brain surgery where they can take those memories away from me. Even then I wouldn’t want that. She has shaped me into who I am. A whiny, clingy, mess.

Stay safe
-Adam

As I said before. I hate typing my entries early, because I ALWAYS have something more to say.
Amanda and I texted again tonight. She really knows how to get me upset. She takes everything I say and twists it so that I look like a fool. I asked her if she got her video for school done, and she turns it into me not knowing when her school schedual is. I may have went off on her tonight. I told her that even though I miss and love her, that non of that matters anymore. She has made her mind up, and she is still using the keeping me at a distance thing for her benifit. I KNOW she would want me if she seen me. I KNOW she would kiss away all the problems in my life if I seen her. I HATE that she is playing this way. It’s so irritating.