04/20/2013

Working out is seriously the one and only thing that makes me realize what I want in my life. I want to be skinny, I want to beat being fat. I want to have abs for the first time in my life. If I can beat this then what else couldn’t I do?

I’m still feeling down, but I know that I need to keep my head focused on the things that matter most to me. That is finding a better job… finding something that will make me happy. I worry so much about finding someone to love, more then I try and love myself. It takes a lot of time to even think about being alone. I tell myself I will be okay, yet then I get in these moods where I can’t really understand anything I am doing. All I want to do is not be myself. Maybe this is why I am trying to lose weight because I don’t want to be that guy anymore.

I’m tired. I’m emotional. I’ve said this time and time again, that it makes me feel like less of a man. All these other guys have confidence, and get all these beautiful women. I don’t want a beautiful person for one night. I want the person Whom I want to spend the rest of my life with… So again, this is why I don’t understand myself. I don’t understand why I can’t just live for awhile, and not worry about someone being in my life.

I really wanted to talk more, but as I type this I can’t hardly keep my head straight. maybe I just need to get some sleep

free_spirit_gal

Hey, I’m a random reader because I can’t sleep. lol I just wanted to say, I think a lot of those thoughts come from being in a small town. I have moved around a lot, and I noticed that anytime I was in a quieter town, relationships became more important then, say, when I was in LA and there were tons of distractions. I think a balance between those 2 is ideal. I’m still looking for that myself.

I also have a lot of issues with the way I look. I think I’m a big girl, with big hands and I used to do martial arts when I was young, so I was a size 0 with muscles (perfect body), so I’m really hard on myself… And I’ve gained 30 pounds since then, and now I’m only 30. I have an eating disorder, and I have tons of self esteem issues. So I understand how you feel. I think the self work is the

most important thing to focus on for “people like us.” The working out thing is wonderful, but not with the focus of being skinny. Believe me, I get it, but I’m telling you it should be about feeling good about yourself, period. Working out oxygens your brain and it’s good for the mind, so try to shift the focus to feeling good, and I promise everything will come after. I know this because I’ve

been consistent with that before, and the results were amazing, but now I’m struggling to get back in the routine. Anyway, sorry for so many comments, I just felt like I should say these things to you, because I understand how you feel. Self esteem. Make that the focus. 😉

catdorris

You are a beautiful human being. I wish there were more people like you in this world. Hell if half the men even TALKED to me the way you write on here I would be blown away. I believe in you can achieve any goal you set your mind to. The amazing factor is you’re doing this for YOU & nobody else. In the end, those douche bags will never compare to someone like you who is wonderful inside and out.