04/12/2012

I’m feeling very vulnerable again today. Like one false move and I will spiral into a deep depression..
I feel like a crack addict craving that fix. All i want to do is text her, call her, Hell i would settle with just knowing she at least thought about me today.

Workout was kind of light today because of how hard yesterday was. I think i will Jog tonight when the time comes right. Maybe a nap is in order before all that.

I was looking at past entries, and I had an idea to print them all out and read them. I filled a small binder with entries, and wastes alot of ink. I cannot believe how far i have came since i first started writing on here. I cannot believe i was still seeing amanda when i first started either. I bet anyone who reads this gets sick of hearing anything about her. I’m so very sorry.

Welp as i was typing this i decided to call my college and push school back to the fall. I have my orientation schedualed, I have my advisor meeting too. I damn near had a panic attack when i was trying to tell the lady I wanted to wait till the fall for classes. It’s just so much all at once. I fear i wouldn’t do good. Or someone or something would stop me. I kept thinking about how amanda is almost done with Grad school, and I’m JUST getting back. It’s not fair… Why on earth did I wait this long to get back to school?

Kiahna

April 12, 2012

You should stop worrying about Amanda, if she truly cares about you she will find a way to be with you again. As far as your plan for school, so what?! Plenty of people take time off of school to get themselves together. It takes true dedication to pass the first time, so you’re doing the right thing.

Gurly239

April 13, 2012

Hey, it’s your OD you can write about whatever you want, even if it IS Amanda all the time. We’ll stick with ya.

SilverNightfall

RYN: Thank you so much Adam, yes there are tons of emotions tied to that room…I hate that room. I’m sorry you’ve struggled with the depression, I know how hard it is first hand. *Hugs* As for school, hey at least you are doing it, it’s ok to take some time if you need it…I’m struggling with school right now myself. As that one person said…it’s your diary, don’t be sorry for writing about whatever you want! Thank you for your prayers, I will pray for you too. Also, still so proud of you for sticking with the workouts. Hope you have a great weekend.