04/10/2012

71 pounds… 71 POUNDS LOST!!! It’s hard to believe that with all this hard work that things actually start to work for me. I’ve never felt physically better then I have since now. Each time i step on that scale and I have to move the weight further and further to the left, I feel the emotion that i have been lacking in for quite a long time. Happiness. I almost have to take a deep breath afterwords to just breathe it all in. I don’t want those moments to fade away at all.

Today I posted my weight loss on Facebook, and for the first time in a long time i took my privacy settings down. I always block about 25 people from seeing my status because they really arent my friends, and only use my facebook for black mail, or for hurtful reasons for me. (you may ask me why they are my friends? ) if i deleted them it would cause even more drama then what i have now, and frankly ( ive used this word twice  tonight… kinda like it ) I HATE drama, so I don’t bother. However, It happened once again. I had about 3 comments that I honestly wish I didn’t see. Someone was saying i was bulimic, the girl who texted me when i was with amanda just to get me in trouble commented on it. Lets just say i was in the wrong to let everyone see that. I didn’t let it ruin my day though at all. I still just kept on trucking, and never looked back.

Work went by really quick today too because my best female friend came home from C-bus, and decided to come and chill with me at the store while i made pizzas, and cleaned towards the end of the night. We talked about Amanda, and she gave me some advice on what i need to do. That is what i love about her. She tells me how it is, even if she knows it will hurt my feelings. She looked at all the texts I had sent her, and she goes. " Adam… You are being so clingy it scares me to even read this" I know everyone on here was telling me the same thing. I just don’t know any better! I miss that darn girl SO MUCH. Anna told me that I need to just ignore her. ( even though Amanda ignores me mostly lol ) play hard to get. With all this weight loss she said that Amanda just will see all the changes i am making, and that if i showed the slightest sign of being "over" her then she might start wanting to talk, or wanting me back. To me, this scares the hell out of me because all i want is for her to know how much i care about her, I want her to talk to me, i wanna know how her day was, etc… So i guess like all this weight loss, I need to try this. Just something else to add to the routine I guess right? We talked about her new boyfriend, and how she actually thinks she wants to have a serious relationship with him! She is such a beautiful women, and I swear any guy will be lucky to have her! She just never wanted to settle down, so all this is new and exciting! I just hope she plays her cards right, and doesn’t cheat like she has in the past.

It’s hard to think how far i have came already. There is no stopping… there is no giving up anymore. I’ve made it this far, so i need to keep going. I need to focus all my energy on this. I don’t pray as much as I should. The big guy and I haven’t really felt all that close in the past years really. However, I do say a prayer from time to time about my happiness. Maybe they are being answered for once. the principles for keeping life in perspective truly are something to live by.

-Adam