04/06/2012

have you ever felt left behind? Lately I have been thinking about all the people in my town who are finishing their degrees, getting married, starting a family… Moving to another town, another state. I understand that we all have to make sacrifices in life and make solid career choices. It just scares me to think about all the people who have moved on from this small town of mine. I never thought i would want to be a big city guy, however i feel like i am being left behind.

Amanda and i talked for a little bit last night. When i say talk, i mean text a little bit. We sent a few good messages, and she told me that she has talked to nearly 7 guys since this last break up. She told me that they all end up texting about sex, or asking for pictures ( i assume ) and that she feels she will never have something like her and I had ever again. I told her how much i loved her, and that nothing would ever change that. Then I asked for another chance, and she told me that i knew the answer to that. It makes me so sad to have her feeling like she is all alone in the world, when i am right here feeling all her pain too. Then i sent her two pictures of myself because i know she hasn’t seen me since the weight loss. She never responded. I don’t know what to think about when it comes to things like that. I try not to dwell on the things like that. Or the fact that i am spending yet ANOTHER Friday night alone. I swear if i had a nickle for every time i have been alone. I would have a lot of nickles lol.

Still feeling pretty good emotionally not going to lie. These new anti depressants have been a god sent. I smile more, I have more energy. That might be in part the working out though no lie. However, I know i have felt different ever since i started.

A lot of people on my facebook, and just in general have told me how inspiring my story has been lately. This lady that always comes into my place of work told me she was an author and wanted to know if she could interview me sometime. She told me that i have motivated quite a few people to lose weight, or change something in their life just by hearing the rough changes i made in my life. I didn’t believe her until this morning when i had a phone call from her asking me when she could meet up with me. Not going to lie that motivates me to keep going. Who would want to read a book on changing ones life because of someone motivating them… and then the person quit. I have a terrible time with quitting. Ever since my father called me a quitter once when i dropped out of college i swore i never wanted to hear someone call me those words again. The owner of the gym i go to, i know would be ashamed if i ever quit working out. And that has been motivating me more and more to keep at this. I eat good, I workout often. Lets just hope for the best.

Hope everyone has a good Easter.
-Adam