02/19/2012

You know the moment in life when you know something drastic is about to change. Where so many thoughts are running thru your head that you just gaze into the nothingness. Time goes by so quickly, with each thought racing in and out of your consciousness. I think i have felt this way for over 4 years. Days seem to run together, and nights seem to come so quick. My life is passing me by without me knowing it. When am i going to be able to stop, and enjoy something. When will life ever slow down. They say love is supposed to help with all this. so maybe I haven’t felt love for so long, that life has been passing with a blink of an eye. All hope seems to turn to hopelessness anymore these days. Why does everything have to be so hard.

If you love something, Let it free. If it loved you, it will come back. That is the advice i have been given by many friends, and family. Why is it when you ask for advice you can’t really follow it. Why even ask then? Because we feel that someone out there should have the right answer. We can’t live our lives on other peoples advice, because then it wouldn’t be you… I’m just someone who can’t stand to be alone. I’ve put the girl i love thru hell and back with all the drama and distance our relationship has endured. What is so wrong with thinking her and I are ment to be together? I can’t imagine life without knowing she is at least a call away. at the same time I cannot take knowing I am causing her so much pain for caring. I must be a terrible person for holding on, when she has been trying to let go. Why does it hurt so much….

I have a feeling dark days are going to be ahead of me. I will have to hide myself behind my smile once again. Bite the bullet and just try and make the most out of life. Sadly I don’t think there is much happiness to be had.

I don’t feel much like a man anymore, because all i want to do is cry. Sanity, and Clarity are so far away, Exhaustion and fear cloud everything.