02/05/2012

Well a lot has been going on… Again.
I figured it was time to come out of my shell once again, and have a public entry.
Amanda and I had a few talks, not very good ones. She is all about giving this new guy a chance. Even though he is a tool, and would be a prime example of a guy who would be good for that show. Tool academy. Anyway, she thinks he would be great… he makes a much of money, and he uses that to get his way. Why do women like douche bags? i may be emotional, but i would never treat her wrong… She told me she wants to take a while to even think about talking again. That i need to show improvement, and keep at it. I’ve broke down and cried now multiple times, because she basically says goodbye forever. I am making changes, I am doing everything she asked… I guess i was just too late.

I’ve been at the gym now for two weeks, and guess what…. I’ve already lost 25 lbs. Astonishingly I’m down to 331. Which may sound still like a lot… but thats just it… I am also 6’7" and used to weigh at one point 380 at my worst!!! It’s certainly a huge start, but with patience comes great reward. Maybe someday she will see me skinny and succesful and will want me back. Lord knows I miss her. Every single day i have a dream about her, or i think about her from seeing something around town. I can’t take losing her forever. GAH

My dad just had to have a Colonoscopy, and he decided not to tell us about it till afterwords. He still doesn’t have the results back, but the whole reason he went in was because the doctor thought he had signs of colon cancer… He has been very close to my brother and I lately…and it personally is scaring me.

Other then that, I’ve just been a little messed up in life. Still emotional and depressive from times, but i have been better about showing it in public.