01/13/2012

It’s friday again… Another day i think to myself: "how the hell did you end up where you are?" I broke down and texted amanda again today. All i said, was that i hope she had a good first week back. She replied, Thanks. I had the nerve to send back, You’re welcome. What the hell is wrong with me? why do i feel such guilt knowing she is going out with someone else… that she is probably texting him as i texted her…. It eats me alive. I feel sick to my stomach even knowing it.

no one knows because i’ve been writing private way too much. But Amanda and i talked about a week ago. We had a really good talk about things. She ended up telling me that she has been talking to someone. This guy is a jerk. He was a womenizer, and always gets his way with women. She told me "he has changed" if there is one thing i know from experience, is men in RARE occasions change.. However, I know i shouldn’t judge, but i just have a terrible feeling about this. I can’t stop thinking about him and her. His name is Adam as well… I don’t know about anyone else, but i can never date another Amanda… I would see her face everytime i said her name.

I’m hurting once again. my train of thought is going in the wrong direction again… I feel myself reaching out in the wrong directions, just to feel a little better. What the hell is wrong with me…  why the hell do i miss her so damn much… I ask these questions that i know the answer to, but the answers never seem to work out in my favor. I’d do anything to have her here with me right now. I’d do anything to just forget about her all the same. I feel like i can never be truly happy.