Xmas Depression Still

 What a long day. Still fell depressed. Xmas Day goes a little something like this.

6:00 AM  Kids wake me up at the crack of dawn. Don’t know why, they know there is no Santa. (ages 13,11). This year they actually appriaciated what they got. (for the last 6 months I’ve been telling them they are not getting anything).

6:30 AM  Get back in the bed, can’t sleep. (Did get morning sex, that part was OK.)

9:00 AM  Start cooking the food. Turkey, ham, stuffing (both home made and box kind), candied yams, greens, mash potatoes, carrots (which are a bitch to peel), corn. apple pie, and pine apple upside down cake. It gets hot and clean up is a bitch. While cooking try to clean rest of house. whoooo hooo lots of fun.

9:05 AM  Start drinking. Start off light. Miller Genuine Draft.

10:00 AM  Upgrade to Liquor. Eggnog and Christian Brothers Brandy.

1:30 PM  Back to beer. Got a good buzz now.

2:00 PM.  "A’s" people start to arrive. I put on the the fake smile. Act nice like I’m glad to see them.

2:30 PM   People start exchanging gifts, opening presents, taking pictures. (That means one day soon I’ll have to be downloading and printing pictures. Should have never got a digital camera). More fake thank yous and you’re welcomes. (Daydream about slitting my neck wide open)

2:35 PM  Back to Liquor. Margaritas

2:50 PM  More daydreaming, (Columbine style shooting on her family)

3:00 PM  Time to finally eat. A good part. Pig out. Full, fat , and sleepy now.

4:00 PM.  Her family leaves, takes some leftovers. I’m much happier now.

4:15 PM  Start to feel really depressed. This use to be the time my brother and his family came over. Right now he is doing 25 to life for killing his baby’s mother . It was an accident. He was been a dumb ass a playing with a gun in  the house. Shot through a door killed her. We got the best lawyer we could afford. Still got fucked. Her sister is a big fat bitch. Having seen my nieces in more the 2 years. I really miss him. Until October he was in Jackson Prison. I at least could got see him.( It’s about a hour from my house). He’s been moved to the UP now. This makes it a 9 hour drive. I would have to make it some type of weekend trip.

5:00 PM  My sister and her family arrive. This is Ok. We sit around, drink, play, video game, watch movies. But she and her husband are getting divorced. ("He cheated", is what she says, he says ,"she not there for me". who knows but they are friendly). This makes me feel even worse. They have been together for almost 15 years.

11:00 PM  Put away the food clean up the mess. My sister and her people leave.

11:30 PM  Finish off the booze. Hit the bong.

12:00 AM  Get to bed finally. Have some drunk sex , finally some sleep.

I woke up this morning just think how fast life can change. How fast shit can go wrong.  I miss my brother and want life to go back to when things were happy and worry free. Before responsiblities, no kids, no mortgage, when all I did was party, get lit, get laid, and repeat.

Life is a bitch, then you marry one,  then you die