She’s Not the One

 I have been talking to the ex  ‘ J ‘ a lot more lately.  We finally had sex again. ‘J ‘ is a great person but I can’t see myself with her for the rest of my life. I do care about her but she is not  " The One ". She wants us to get back together. How can I tell her we can be nothing but friends with out hurting her feelings ???  I don’t wanna lead her on either. Stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Why do you still wanna be with ‘ A ‘.  Do I just like pain ??  I am so depressed. I can’t seem to get out of this fucked up mood. Got a verbal warning from my boss today. They pulled my driving record and found out about the DUI. Now I got to take defensive driving class again.  I just want this court date to get here so I can know whats going on ??  Whats gonna happen ?? I know I got 4 points on my liscence. But what else  ?? I know there will be AA meetings I will have to attend. But what else?? Waiting is so fucking stressful.

Court date 11 days away. Christmas is only 19 days away. The new year 26 days away. I can’t wait for the new year to start it cant be any worse than this one.

Life is a bitch, then you marry one, then you die.