I Am Not a Killer

OK lets start with a little background. I met " A " in 1992. In the beginning we had a on again off again relationship. When I first met her, her mother did not like me. At that time I could understand. She was 15, I was 19. I shouldn’t have been dating her at that time. She is considered black because her father was black. But her mother is white. She grew up in a neighborhood and went to a school where there was very few black people. She did not know her father. He cut out when her mother was pregnant.

 We are what you call opposites. I introduced her to what is means to be Black not what is on TV. She learned about hip hop and a whole new way of living and music.( Dr. Dre, Snopp Dog, Wu Tang Clan) She showed me a new way of life and a new style of music. (Nirvana, Smashing Pumpkins,Nine Inch Nails). We seemed to click. But her mother just had something against me.

Even though she was the crazy one. She has done crazy things at times when I told her I was breaking up with her. She has broken out her mothers’ window once of course I got blamed for it. She shot a hole in my appartment wall. She has even broken  into my appartment before and broken the things in there. When she got pregnant with our daughter her mother said I was gonna cut out and leave. I didn’t. When we got married, her mother gave us 6 months. Almost 12 years later now. After all this time I thought a least I’d get a little respect.

BUT  " A " told me her mother said ‘ You’d better hurry up a decide who you want to be with before he kills you and the kids.’  Ain’t that a fucking kick in the nuts. She believes I’ll do a Steven Grant or a OJ Simpson. I know I haven’t been a saint but WHAT THE FUCK !!!!!  Now i’m suppose to sit across from her on Christmas Day and eat fucking turkey and ham. If that ain’t a reason to run away from here now, I don’t know what is.

Went to court today. Let see what I got.

1.         Shall not consume alcoholic beverages or use illicit substances.
2.         Submit to breath/urine screens upon request of the probation department and absorb any costs.
3.         Complete a substance abuse assessment at a licensed agency and follow all treatment recommendations of therapist, absorb any costs and provide written verification of enrollment and/or attendance in recommended program within 14 days from probation orientation date, and monthly verification thereafter.
4.         Attend the Victim Impact Panel, absorb costs and provide verification of attendance within 45 days of probation orientation date.
5.         Complete 25 hours community service at a non-profit agency and provide written verification of hours completed within 180 days.
6.         Attend A.A. support group meetings if recommended by therapist and provide written verification to the probation department every 30 days.
7.         Attend probation orientation within the next 7 to 14 days.
8.         Report for probation as directed.
9.         Fines, costs, oversight fees, administrative fees, court appointed attorney fee, if applicable, and NEEDS screening fee per standard Court procedure.

And on top of that $1315 in court costs and fees to be paid in 90 days. I got probation orientation Thursday. Lots of fun eh ??

LIfe is a bitch, then you marry one, then you die.