Got Milk?

It was my first sleep over, I think I was 12.  That was my very last glass of milk.

Her name was Becky and she didn’t live like I did.  They had roaches and a house that cost $9000.00.  We had alot of fun and finally get to bed.  Next morning breakfast is served.  I have a nice tall glass of milk waiting for me.  I drink it down with my breakfast, I have no idea what it was.  It get’s harder to drink and I’m really thirsty.  I’m straining it with my teeth, it’s a white clump I realize at the bottom of the glass.

I broke the glass when I dropped it and got everyones attention.  They look at the broken glass and say don’t worry hun, that’s nothing but a milk ball.  I guess that tramatized me enough, I can’t stand the smell.  I lost more than my birth gain feeding lady milk. 

Spaghettios, Dan the man loved them.  Surprise surprise, I give the poor man his very first phobia.  I was really pregnant and Dan wanted some spaghettios and emptied a can into the bowl.  It’s cold, but he couldn’t wait so he put one in his mouth and I saw it.  Then the smell hit me so I started doing the dry puking sound 3D like.  He makes it to the sink and pukes it up.  He looks at me, throws the entire bowl into the trash can and stomps out.  Next day he says quit buying my spaghettios, he looked so sad. 

Mushrooms, we wanted to try them.  I had an iguana, he was four feet.  I had him for 5 years but his life changed for the worst when I moved in with my Dad.   I was going through a divorce and ex left me 8 bucks.  I was going to enjoy my single life until I met the man that would give me lady.  So Salay had to stay in a cage and he didn’t get near the same attention.  Before, I used to come home for lunch everyday, open his window and share my sandwich with him.  He was paper trained and his name was Salay.  Salay was pissed off by the time I moved in with Dan, and we were going to eat some shrooms.  Of course I gag when I try to eat one not on a sloppy joe, so I put them on one and away we go.  We are enjoying ourselves and I remember to go feed Salay.  He looks pissed and he sure has gotten big, miss me sharp mouth?  He turns very quickly before I open the door.  I knew he was going to attack me.  I knew it!  I open the door anyway and everything goes red.  Blood Red.  I run out and see Dan touching his nose and say he took my eye!  He says oh yeah….

DAN!  Salay took my eye and he looks at me and sees me covering my eye and blood everywhere.  He doesn’t like it when people hang their mouths open, he thinks it makes them look dumb.  But that’s the look he had.  Then he jumps into action and saves the day.  He tells me to pass out because he can’t see my eye because of all the hair.  I say allright and close my eyes.  I said it’s not working this time I gotta puke.  It was the brightest orange and red barf on the whitest tub.  He says he’s got to call 911 and I say no way duude!  Check out our saucer pupils.  So he pats and pats just wanting to see what Salay did.  He bit me in the cheek just under my left eye, I have four lines that are lighter than the rest of my face.  Next day I called into work and said ain’t coming in.  When I did show up I had this huge bandage covering about half of my face.  Work gals said it brought more attention to it.  I knew they just wanted to see it.  I took it off and they said put it back on.  Of course I run into my mother during healing, and I hadn’t seen her in years.  She couldn’t wait to comment.

I went and bummed myself out, don’t drink milk balls, dont’ eat cold spaghettio’s, don’t eat shrooms while ignoring your iguana and be a good parent.