Single in 2020

Ok but why the fuck cant i want to be single? And loved? AT THE SAME TIME?

im very annoyed because im starting to get the vibe with this new guy im talking to, lets call him Sid, that he wants to for sure start a relationship.

I havent been in a relationship since literally dec 15 2015. And i like it like that. Yes, i want to get over my ex, yes i want to explore new things but idk why i have to be in a relationship for that. Im not saying i just want a fuck buddy but shit dude, its been one month, i cant get to know you more? I want to meet him to see if we have chemistry irl and thats IT but i think he wants to fucking propose. Its so annoying.

Why cant we just have a bond? whatever happened to that shit? Am i supposed to rush into a relationship and say fuck it when im not feeling it anymore? I wont even lie, not being in a relationship means that i dont have to listen to you (even tho i wouldnt anyways) and lowkey it keeps you open to finding someone else if you run into them. Which is toxic all in itself. And i still talk to my ex 🙁 even though we’re in separate countries. So i dont want to jump in a relationship until i have all of that figured out. Even if hes a great guy, which he is but like fuck, why cant i still be single.

now im gonna look like the asshole when i explain to him, im not going to be your girlfriend. i dont need a title. that shit is stupid anyways. its 2020.