How I lost 40lbs in 40 minutes.

Yo-yo diets are dumb.

What is more annoying than actively trying to lose weight is people telling you that you should lose weight. First of all, duh bitch. No, how do YOU fit through doors with that big ass brain? Secondly, people who have never lost a pound in their lives. Weight fluctuates for everyone, but someone whos never actually tried to eat healthy, work out, and make daily sacrifices to fitness gawds.  Those people dont even know what the fuck theyre talking about but theyll always have some dumb ass get fit quick scheme to tell you about. Annoying cunts i swear.

Anyways, so let me tell you about my new lose weight **fast** plan. LOL. No but really. OK, so. I just work out and consooooome less calories than i use up in a day. I exert more energy than i scarf down. Im down five pounds so i guess its working. I walk on the treadmill, do some youtube yoga, lift 5lb weights and most of all, i stopped complaining in my head when im forced to get the fuck up at work and walk across the building. At the end of the day i know theres literally no way to actually lose weight fast, that shit comes off as slow as you put it on. It took me 3 years to gain the extra 75 pounds i wish to lose and i expect it will take the same time to get rid of it. In the meanwhile i will focus on not being lazy, participating in actual activities like walking to the package center to pick up my amazon buys instead of driving there, drinking tequila and doing yoga instead of drinking and watching romcoms that make me feel fat and single, and I even started enjoying the feeling of being hungry. I let that feeling sit for at least an hour before i eat and when i do i eat slower. Who tf was i racing before anyways?

Youtube has a great variety of weight loss motivation. We have the beluga whales on the fat acceptance side that try to convince you that they’re happy, we have the destructive fats that go on yo-yo diets over and over again and don’t understand why they’re still gaining, we have the david goggins of the world that tell you to shut the fuck up and run 100 miles a day till your toenails fall off and your eyes bleed at even the slightest look at a cookie. We have the kevin samuels that tell fat black women in particular that men dont want you after a certain size or age bracket, we also have the tough mudder docs that are definitely on the sweeter side but remind you that you literally couldnt even do the monkey bars as a child so how the hell could you do it as an adult? I prescribed myself a combination of those internet pills and it has truly helped me on this journey. No one pill is more important than the other in my diet. You may think they’re placebos but hey, whos five pounds down? Me or you?