Opening, The Rest
Love. This diary is the Christmas gift I chose to give to myself today. I was not anticipating doing such a thing – I would not have thought to spend any money on a place to simply say words in public. But I remembered somewhat fondly having an Open Diary many years ago. And so it seemed appropriate.
I often forget things. It is one of my limitations. I have ADHD. It took me a long time to admit it. I still think I can will myself out of it. I’ve tried several times. I’ve failed all the times. I’ll probably try again in the future.
Because I forget things, I lose my train of thought. In my last entry, I meant to say some of the words above. Even after reading and re-reading the entry for completion, I did not notice until shortly before I began this entry.
And that’s enough for now. I have to be rather stern with myself to not justify every behavior. Because I am my new self, my sense of normalcy is poor. I am rarely certain that any behavior I display is normal. It is one of my greatest insecurities.
I did not intend to say intimate words so soon. I do not know if this experiment is a good idea or not, but I will continue it.
Thank you for reading. Amen.
Welcome. Glad you are here. I’m glad you do not feel the need to justify every behavior. I am working on that myself.
@justjulie Thank you for your inspired encouragement. I will choose to hope that we both find peace soon.
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Welcome back to Open Diary. This is an affirming and positive place to express your thoughts on any subject. Writing is therapeutic. It is very necessary for me to write. In other words, I cannot not write.
@oswego Yes, I have also experienced the writer spirit. I have written many nonsensical words on my own time, but writing unshared words rarely fills the same need to me as saying potentially shared words.
Nevertheless, I do agree that writing is therapeutic. I find carrying unsaid ideas to be heavy and fatiguing. Sharing these ideas is the only way I know to stop obsessing over them.
@iamnur Yes! Carrying unsaid ideas is heavy and fatiguing….I love that. Everyone needs at least one person they can throw thoughts and ideas out to for sure.
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I, too, have ADHD and also OCD. I have only recently started medication for the ADHD because it had gotten to the point where I was not functioning or enjoying things that I once did. The medication has done wonders for me but I know it doesn’t work for some. My son has ADHD and OCD and is not able to take the medicine because it causes his OCD to be so bad he can’t function.
Please continue to write…I enjoy reading your entries.
@happyathome I struggle with ADHD as a concept. It is difficult for me to accept (and I still have not completely) that I am unable to choose my focus of attention without chemical help. I am rarely angry any more, but this is my one hate. It may be a limitation that I will not choose to accept. I do hate it passionately. Peace to you and your son.
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