Moving Scales

Love. Some days I’m at peace with my madness. Some days I feel crazy trying to seek peace. I think the worst days are the ones when I cannot focus, and so the world seems a marble that rolls, and I cannot find up or down.

I do not know why I have been going through this tumultuous time. I had thought things were getting better. I still believe that maybe they are, but it is starting to be easy to lose hope. I do not remember what gaining hope feels like.

These are all small words, personal and selfish. There is more going on in the world than my mental state, but it does me little good to know as I can only see through the window darkly.

• Do I struggle against nothing, and so waste my time and effort?
• Do I struggle against myself in some hope of self-improvement?

I have already had my worst day, and I choose to forget it. I thought all the rest of my days would be easier, but I had forgotten the uphill climb after being in the valley. They are easier, but they are also work.

If you would consent, I would give each of you my spiritual hug. I am tired of feeling like this. I have not had a day where this feeling fades once I have it, and so starting the day like this is difficult. I hope tomorrow is better.

I will choose to see the sunrise. I remember each of you. Amen.